Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum!!

She looked at me as if I was a thief who just got beaten up by some guy on the road and like somebody who carries alcohol in his back pack and is about to shamelessly get drunk in a few minutes.

They say it’s no sin if you don’t have a back-log in Engineering but if you haven’t tried Vodka (or) Beer (or) Rum, there is simply no point. Who cares if you are a topper? Who cares if you have the same girlfriend since 10^th class? As the old saying goes: “Being a Virgin can be excused but not having a drink or two in Engineering is inexcusable.”

Location: My Hostel Room

It was 9:30 in the night and I was with five of my best friends and they were with 9 of their best friends. Okay, by their best friends I mean the bottles of alcohol. I am not used to calling them by their names so I was still using Alcohol. Tonight, I was going to drink for the first time.

“Alcohol?? You don’t call me Human Being, Do you??” asked Nikhil who claims to be the best drinker in the college in terms of Alcohol intake.

“Ok ok… The beer and the Rum.” I was nervous. It was the first time I’m holding a bottle of beer in my hand.

“So are we gonna start or what??” shouted Narayana who is also an expert drinker who specializes in Budweiser beer.

We had 6 bottles of Beer, two Half bottles of Vodka and a Full bottle of Black Rum. To be fair, I didn’t know there are types based on color in Rum.

But just when I was about to open the beer bottle with the opener, we heard a sound downstairs and ran out. It was the chief warden on one of his surprise visits.

“What the fuck?? Couldn’t he come sometime else?? Retard!!!” sighed Mahesh, an amateur drinker who had his first beer a few weeks back. But like everyone else, he pretends to be an expert in the business.

Ten minutes was all it took for us to pack all the stuff in my backpack. 15 mins later, we were on our bikes (3 bikes in total for 6 of us) riding on the highway. Having no place to go with all the bottles in my bag, we decided to go somewhere far from the city and drink.

“Let’s go to Kanexa.” suggested Kumar. He is an expert bike rider and personally I am sure he drinks more than Nikhil. However, like Sachin Tendulkar… Never boasts about his abilities.

Location: Kanexa

Let me tell you about Kanexa first. It’s this place where the government sanctioned lands for private firms to establish software companies. The place has been under construction for quite a few months now. It is abandoned most of the time and people usually go there at night to party on the roads and as most of it is on hill tops, it offers wonderful scenery as well. It seemed like a perfect place to lift the gates and let alcohol into my blood stream errr… or my digestive system (whatever).

So there we were. 5 men, each with an opened bottle of chilled Budweiser Beer taking pictures and videos of our grand little adventure. I was excited, petrified and terrified all at the same time. Kumar and Nikhil already finished half their bottles but all I did was smell the beer and tried to stop myself from puking. I looked at the tar road that was definitely cleaner than my hostel room and went walking towards the edge of the cliff. Before taking a sip I looked down the hill and saw the tiny little houses of the construction workers. The lights there looked as if a few stars dropped from the sky.

“Hmmm… poor fellows. Can’t even get a beer at this hour… hahaha” I amused myself. But when I turned back, it felt as if somebody punched in my guts with their fist.

There were two cops talking to my friends. Very seriously…

I had no clue what to do. I quickly threw the full beer bottle down the cliff into the bushes and went silently and stood behind Kiran who stood silently while Kumar did all the talking.

“This place is not what it used to be. There is a lot of patrolling these days. Come lets go to the station and we’ll discuss there.” said one of the cops. They are just constables but that is more than enough to get us into trouble.

We tried persuading them but they were impossible. No wait, when there is money, nothing is impossible. So, after giving them all the money we had in our wallets, they finally decided to let us go. That was what they intended to do right from the beginning anyway.

“You guys drink quickly and go back to your college. The Inspector will be here soon.” the cop who was driving the bike said before finally letting us go.

What?? Drink quickly?? Then I threw away my beer for nothing?? Damn!! That was supposed to be my first beer.

The rest of them finished their bottles and soon after they are done making an ass out of me, we were on our way back. I felt like an idiot for missing a wonderful opportunity to get drunk. The people in the tiny houses seemed happier.

We decided to have the vodka and Rum back in the hostel itself. The warden would’ve been long gone and moreover the Coke bottles were still in my room.

Location: Beach road

I was sitting behind Kumar on his bike as I knew no matter how much he drinks; he’d have total control when it comes to riding a bike. The rest were on two other bikes and all the booze was in my backpack.

It was around 11:30 in the night when we were back in the city. Kanexa was a long way and when it’s night and especially when people are drunk, its better we came slow. We were heading back to the hostel just when Kiran stopped us.

“We need to get Chicken Manchurian or something… like in the movies.”

The Mobile Van in the beach road served all kinds of chicken items till midnight. The guy was about to close and leave for the day by the time we reached but we somehow managed to convince him.  It took the man exactly 23 minutes to make the ugliest looking chicken snack I ever looked and he packed it in something that I’d never touch with my bare hands.

“That would be 240/- sir.” He said. It was at that moment something amazing struck all the 6 of us at the same time. We had no money. All that we had was taken by those cops back in Kanexa. We all looked at each other as the man continued to pack the van. There was only one logical thing to do. Run away with the Chicken 65.

It was something that none of us had ever done before. All our bike speeds crossed 100kmphs and when I looked back after a couple of minutes, there was no sign of the mobile chicken van. We were laughing out of excitement and took several roads, crossed several blocks before finally stopping to see if the coast was clear. What we just did was unbelievable considering the situation we were in. After everybody came back to their senses, we started to go back to the hostel.

There usually was a heavy police patrol in those parts of the city and now that we were involved in a crime, getting caught might turn out to be risky. So, we need to be extra careful.

The coast was clear and the other two bikes left for the hostel without even turning back. It would’ve been alright on any other day but the problem was; our bike wouldn’t start. It was a perfect moment to shout out loud “Holy Fuck!!!” There was no way we could contact my friends and call them back as their mobile phones were in my back pack along with the bottles of Rum and Vodka.

Kumar had no idea what to do. We tried starting the bike for 10 minutes but finally decided to give up. We parked the bike under a tree in front of a huge house and began to walk. The college would at least be a couple of kilometers away and if we are lucky enough, there wouldn’t be any cops on the way. But if there ought to be any, we would be screwed big time coz at that hour if we get caught with those bottles; in that neighborhood, that would no doubt be a perfect recipe for a disaster.

Location: The Neighborhood

Half way through the path, we were pretty happy things didn’t turn out so bad after all. We walked past Kumar’s girl friend Divya’s house. He showed me her room and also told how easy it is to climb on to the balcony from the compound wall and enter her room. He said he tried it a few times earlier but I wasn’t sure if he was saying the truth or not. Anyway, it was an adventurous night and as I was getting drunk for the first time, a little story to remember the events won’t hurt right?

Oh boy!!! I must’ve spoken about adventure and hurt a bit too soon. There were a few police bikes coming our way. We both were scared as hell and as running would not be preferable; we turned back and began to walk fast… real fast. I could picture myself in the police station where I’d be in my underwear sitting in a corner and the press reporters would be taking my photos as I try to cover my face with my hands. Nooooooooo… please God!! Do something.

“Come quick, hide behind this Van.” Kumar pulled my hand.

We sat behind a van that was parked to the side of the road. There was absolute silence. All that we could hear were the bike engines of the cops, our panting breathe and a few dogs barking in the neighborhood. There were only a few street lights and the moon was bright and full. It was beautiful.

Those were probably the longest 3 minutes in my life… and the fact that we were trying to hide from cops by sitting behind a van was less exciting and more humiliating and scary. If anything goes wrong, they might think we’re robbers. But luckily the Van saved us and the cops left the street. Thank god the Van was in the right place at the right time. Hmmmm…. the Van. Wait, the Van??!!!! It was that Mobile Chicken Van that we ran away from and when I looked at the driver’s seat, the guy was already looking at me with a wicked smile. He was enjoying the show from the beginning. Kumar was as scared as I was.

Now that the Police were gone, we stood up to run as fast as we could but who were we kidding anyway? It was a Van… a Chicken Van. He caught us both and began beating us up. It was not something harsh and ugly. I could see everything in slow-mo. His eyes opening wide, his strong fist coming right at my face and then into my stomach; everything was like symphony. After a few minutes, he left leaving both of us on the street but not before taking both the Vodka bottles. He was at least kind enough to leave the Rum.

“Next time you boys need Chicken 65, you know where to find me.” and he left.

It took us some 7-8 minutes to get back on our feet and to finally make sense of what just happened. It was the first time I got beaten up and it was definitely not something that I would like to remember.

“Look on the bright side man; we’re not going to the police station.”

“What?? Bright side??” this guy is unbelievable.

“So what do we do now?” he asked me. I had no idea.

“What if we ask Divya to throw down her bike keys and we take her bike back to hostel?”

“Are you kidding me? It’s like robbery asshole.” I just could believe what he was saying.

“How would it be robbery man? Her bike is parked outside under the tree. She’ll throw the keys from upstairs and we go back to the hostel. We can return it in the morning.” That seemed to be better plan when I listened the second time.

“Okay then, call her.”     

After 15 minutes of thorough negotiations on the phone, Divya finally came on to the balcony with the keys.

“Hi Darling…” Kumar said smiling at her. She was in her night robes and was evidently pissed off.

“Take the keys and get lost. I’ll talk with you in the morning. Make sure you bring it back before 7 in the morning.” She threw the keys down and looked at me.

“Hi Divya… thanks for the help… you have no idea what this mea…” I started to thank her but she looked at me as if I was a thief who just got beaten up by some guy on the road and like somebody who carries alcohol in his back pack and is about to shamelessly get drunk in a few minutes. I realized there was a proper reason behind her look and decided to shut my mouth and silently looked down. She walked away into her room.

Back to the Room:

Kumar brought her bike out without making any noise and within a few seconds, we were reaching the top speeds on her scooter. It took us exactly 9 minutes to reach the hostel. I never thought that there would be a day when I’d be glad and relieved to be back in my hostel room. All my friends were already waiting for us outside my room.

Soon as they saw us, they came running with questions like: Where the hell have you two been? What’s with the scooter? What happened to your faces? We were searching all around for you two.

Not that we were proud or happy, but we shared the events with them and there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. Then we broke into a mad laughter that even got the watchman excited. People came out from their rooms to see what happened and some of them were polite enough to ask us to shut the fuck up.

“All that we have now is a bottle of rum?” Mahesh took out the bottle from my bag soon after we settled back in my room. Everybody was relieved that after all the chaos, we were back in the room.

“So what’s it going to be man? Shall I mix you a nice drink with Rum and Coke?” Nikhil asked me with a smile. After all that happened in the last four hours, we were back in the room where the night first started.

“Hmmm… I think I’ll just have the Coke please. No Rum.”