“Dude, where do I even begin!! I can’t take it anymore” I was more relieved saying that than angry or furious. Love is full of problems. Coming out of it is a bigger problem.
“But she’s such a sweet girl Ram.” Akash said making sure he was focusing on the road. He was driving and I was in the back seat. I needed my space.
“You know what? I feared this would happen. I am the one who is having problems not you asshole. Don’t take sides here.”
“Man, I’m not taking sides.”
“Good.” I was looking at the birds flying. They used to fascinate me.
“Is it because of her condition? The brittle bones or whatever?” he said taking a right turn. We were on our way to meet a friend at a restaurant for lunch.
“Fuck no!! The disease has nothing to do with that man. In fact that in one of the high notes here.”
“Com’on man… It’s because you can’t get into bed with her properly right?” he turned back with a naughty smile. I could punch him so hard right now.
I met Akanksha at a party. She was a friend of my friend and we hit it off really well. I was a natural with her. She has a skin that smooth and fair. Her hair is short and black. She had eyes that are brown (and a tint of green)
“Don’t be too hard on me.” She said when I was playfully flirting with her. “I have brittle bones.” and then winked. I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth or just messing around with me. Later when I enquired, she gave me a 30minute lecture on Osteogenesis Imperfecta aka the “brittle bone disease” and what her situation was. So basically she has weak bones that break easily.
“Must be tough eh?” I said playfully. I wondered how she would put on her underwear and stuff. That sure did explain her weird sense of style when it comes to dressing. She wore loose clothes but her face did have an elegance that dominated her attire.
She was a freelance writer and contributed regularly to several websites. She is also an excellent painter. She made more money than me. I work as a consultant at a real estate firm. I make good money but she made more. Just last week, one of her paintings was sold for twice my monthly salary.
“She’s sucking the life out of me man.” I sighed closing my eyes. I was sure Akash wouldn’t even care to reply. I was going to break-up with her later today. I looked out into the sky and saw a few birds flying and then thought of her.
“Oouchh…” she used to say if I hold her hand too tight. “Remember… don’t be too hard on me.”
Those were different times. She first agreed to go out with me on the condition that I would treat her like a porcelain antic. It’s not too much to ask for considering her situation because she was indeed very fragile. During the 8 months we were together, she had three fractures; one for just falling down from her chair. “Get well soon Plover” I used write on her bandage. But things went down the slippery slope very soon.
“You used to call her something… what is it? Parakeet or something…” Akash spoke without turning back. It’s a long journey and there’s a lot of traffic today.
“Aaahh fuck that… don’t remind me of all that shit man. I’m going to break up with her.” I shouted “And it’s not parakeet. It’s Plover. It was responsible for the discovery of Hawaii.” Yes it indeed was. People followed the Pacific Golden Plovers when they were migrating and discovered Hawaii.
I called her plover because many birds have hollow bones that enable them to fly. Their bones are delicate and light weight and so the skeletal system makes flight easy. Even though she didn’t fly, Akanksha did have delicate bones so I called her that. I even gave up eating chicken because every time I was about to chew a bone, it reminded me of her. She loved it. I hate it… well at least I hate it now. I could eat an entire 12 piece KFC bucket. Not a Zinger though. There wouldn’t be any bone in that.
“I’m not sure if she’s being insecure or attention seeking or by default she’s a psycho or something.” I said and immediately Akash stopped the car. I had a feeling that I crossed the line there. I wondered if he was going to lecture me about true love or punch me in the face. Akash was that forever alone friend who happens to have all the answers for relationship problems.
“We’re here mate.” He said smiling and got out of the car. Three more hours for me to break up with the girl I thought I’d be with for the rest of my life.
* * * * *
Keerthi is giving a party for us because it’s her dog’s birthday. She’s that rich. Her dog looks like it’s going to die any moment but I never tell her that. It is at her parents wedding anniversary that I met Akanksha. She’s a family friend of hers and also an employee. Keerthi has this school that she takes care of and Akanksha is an art teacher there. Yes, she’s that good; full of life and always talking about facing challenges and such shit with everybody. Except me that is. I was where she would dump all her misery. I needed to be happy too.
“You need to understand her Ram. After all, see what she might’ve gone through in her life.” Keerthi said looking at me as if I was this asshole who was stealing away candy from school children. I have become a cruel human-being here. I looked at Akash hoping that he would back me up here.
“I told him the same Keerthi.” He was looking at the menu card… that son of a bitch. Keerthi’s dog was looking as if it would bite my face off. I wanted to kill it. Do they allow dogs into restaurants? Oh wait, it’s a rich dog. It could even go into a church.
“Look this has nothing to do with her condition alright? In fact I respect her for that. But she’s sucking the life out of me.” I tried to convince her. I knew this would happen. People begin judging and I will look like a total asshole. They would take her side and make me look like a villain. “And just for the record, her life is not that miserable. She had learnt to deal with that. For heaven’s sake she makes more money than me you know.” I was making a point.
“Oh my god! Is this what this is all about? She’s more successful than you.” Keerthi made her eyes big. Akash began to laugh.
“Holy shit no!! Were you even listening to what I was saying?” I realized I was getting louder. “I’m just saying that even with her situation, she made a very good life for herself because she is far more efficient than most others.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Ofcourse it is. That’s why I respect her.”
“Then what’s the problem Ram? Listen to me… she’s a great girl.” We were back right where we started.
“To you…. to you she’s great Keerthi. All that she does to me is dumping her misery. A single day doesn’t go by without me consoling her. I feel like a therapist sometimes.”
“Ha-ha… you’d make a lousy therapist obviously.” Akash pointed. He was true. I imagined myself sitting in a room full of books with Akanksha lying on the couch. I’d be sitting with a notepad taking down bullet points as she poured out story after story involving broken bones and shattered dreams. I would indeed make a lousy therapist.
“Is it about the… you know… yesss-yeee-yexx?” Keerthi asked hesitantly while finishing the dessert. Akash looked at me right away waiting to see what I’d say. He wanted this answer so badly. He was trying to control his laughter… I’m going to kill this son of a bitch.
“No, this has nothing to do with sex. She’s not that brittle. Have to be a little gentle that’s all. Fuck… I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you people.” I took another bite of the vanilla ice-cream. I didn’t eat chicken. I just had a vegetable salad and a soup.
I know I was the one who brought her into the relationship. She kept telling me not to be hard on her. I promised her that I would take care of her because she needed to be taken care of. She’s literally as delicate as a doll. I was ready for that because I found her special. She was this talented young lady who knew how valuable life is. But things changed as intimacy began to grow. She was just using me for her emotional outbursts. But for everybody else, she was this talented, bright young lady who fought against all odds. There were instances when I explained to her about this and yet I was getting screwed over and over again. I even have these nightmares where she’s this huge bird and I’m a worm trying to dig myself into a hole but she would eventually get to me. Oh my… what have I become?!!
“Why wouldn’t she be happy with me Keerthi? Like she is with everybody else.” It was more of a helpless question rather than me making a point.
“She needs you to fill that void in her life Ram. She finally has someone to share them with.” I don’t even understand what she is saying anymore.
“Don’t I deserve to be happy?” that was my question all along. I just wanted people to understand. I do care about what my friends think because I value them.
“Ummm….” They both looked at each other.
“It’s about being happy with someone you love. It’s not social service.” that may seem harsh but that is all I had in my mind. I would only love somebody if I wanted to love them not because I had to. I could totally eat some KFC now.
* * * * *
“What is it Ram? Why did we meet here at KFC?” she was 30mins late and is asking me questions. I could break-up with her just for that. I finished eating 6 pieces of hot wings and kept the bones there in my plate. I was cruel.
“Would you like to have something?”
“No. you finish. We’ll go out for a drive. I need to talk to you about this kid who got hurt today in school.” Oh boy!! Here we go again. One more sob story that would end up with her crying and me consoling. How many times should I do this?
“Aahh…umm…Akanksha….” she was alert. I didn’t call her plover so she knew this was important. I didn’t want to call her that anymore.
“This is not working for me anymore… I mean us… it’s not working…” I used the traditional line. Yes, I watch a lot of movies which obviously she doesn’t approve of.
“What….” she had no idea where that came from.
“It’s just that I’m not comfortable around all this misery and sadness you know…” I was trying to be as polite as possible.
“What… what do you mean?”
“Hmm… well… when was the last time we spoke about something fun?”
“I thought…” I begin to feel bad now.
“When was the last time we spoke about my job or our friends or about anything that is not sad?” I was on a roll.
“Ohh…”
“It’s just that all that we do now is talk about your sad stories.”
“But… I thought you said you’d take care of me.” She said fighting back her tears. I feel like an asshole but this is for the greater good.
“Ofcourse I would’ve… if you were the same person that I loved…”
“I am the same person Ram.”
“No you’re not Akanksha…”
I didn’t expect this to turn this ugly but those things are to be said. I brought her a Pepsi and I preferred to eat a zinger. She had too much already so I decided to go boneless.
“Why are you doing this to me? You said you’d not be hard on me.” She said looking into my eyes.
It felt as if Mike Tyson punched me right in the guts. I feel sorry for her now. I hate myself. I didn’t have anything to say. I even began to wonder if I was doing the wrong thing.
“It’s about the sex isn’t it?” she asked and it was then I totally lost it. After all that we’ve gone through and all that support I gave her, she thinks that I’m willing to leave her just because of how moderately enjoyable the sex would be to me? That is seriously sick.
“Listen Birdie…” I called her a birdie. “I respect you for who you are and what you’ve become even with your condition. It is you as a person that I hate now and no, it had nothing to do with sex.” I was clear and loud. But it would’ve been better if I did the same talk sitting. People around us began to stare at us and I knew I went way over the line there.
Life is all about mysterious things. We never know when things will happen or why. I never knew that a girl with Osteogenesis Imperfecta would punch me right in the face with around 20 people staring at us. Akanksha stood up quietly from her seat and looked at me with the eyes of an eagle, fierce even for a bird… and then punched me with all her strength and my nose began to bleed. The world knew that I was an asshole and I knew that I was a free bird once again.
P.s… As she used all her strength to punch me, Akanksha fractured three of her bones and I had to take her to the hospital myself. Also, I decided never to eat KFC again. Bad memories!!
The Cannibal 
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