Some days are different. I mean everything seems normal first then out of no where you end up on a metaphorical roller coaster. A few days back, soon after brushing my teeth I sat down to eat some local made chai-biscuits from a plastic bag while watching YouTube videos. Anyone from Hyderabad would be willing to back me up when I say that they are delicious. You know how, after finishing all the chips in a Lays packet, we gather all the tiny pieces on our palm and lick eat them? That is exactly what I did with the plastic bag and it left me feeling content….but only for an instant. At the bottom of the bag, I saw a hole. A hole in the bag chewed open by a rat. I knew immediately why there were so many crumbles. I’m pretty sure my internal organs puked uncontrollably while I sat there in denial. Those crumbles I just ate.. Those Rats.. Their tails… Their Teeth… I ate licked those crumbles. All of a sudden, it came back to me. The horrible flash back.
When I was in 9th class we used to stay in a house owned by people who had a suppliers business. They rented out equipment like tents, chairs and other stuff for functions. Their godown was downstairs and so the entire building was to rats, what the shire was to the hobbits. They were everywhere. On one dreadful night, my dad was out of town and it was just me and my mom. In the middle of the night she woke me up, pointing at a small rat that was stuck in the window and was squeaking non stop. She wanted the man of the house, in this case me, to go and see to it that is was dead. It had already ruined quite a few of her sarees leaving her unapologetic I suppose. With this newly bestowed responsibility, I went and in a moment of rage shut the window hoping that it would cut the rat into two ending this once and for all. But it didn’t end. The rat fell to the ground and kept making louder noises. The worst part was that even though it was cut in the middle, there were some parts still attached. Blood was everywhere. It was as if Tarantino just had a shot rehearsal in our corridor. One of the most disgusting/horrific things I have ever seen in my life. I then proceeded to give it one more try by smashing it’s head with a stick. But that upper piece, of its now two-piece body, displayed reflexes of Mohammad Kaif calibre. It kept dodging my blows by rhythmically tilting its head left-right-left in perfect harmony. It all felt so ugly and I almost gave up in disgust when my mom came rushing, took the stick from my hand and then BAMMM!!
**This content is removed as it contains vivid and gore descriptions of dead rodents and inhuman behavior of average human beings**
So the rat that ate the biscuits from my bag is perhaps the universe deciding to get back at me after all these years. I wonder how many such biscuit crumbles my mom ate till now, Hahaha.. poor thing. Anyway, after all these thoughts ended. I decided to move on and make peace with the rat community and connect with them like the Piped piper of Hamelin. Come to think of it, I really liked Ratatouille and The tale of despereaux. After all, rats are like squirrels, without the fluffy tails and I have always rooted for Jerry and laughed at Tom’s failed attempts in trying to catch him. I’m not that Ewwww-what-the-fuck to them anymore really. I am fine with cockroaches too only if they are on the ground in crawl mode though. Once they open their wings, my shorts need washing. But wow.. What a way to start my day. I admit I have puked for a good amount of time and promised myself never eat what is at the bottom of a biscuit packet.
Moving on then, since we’re talking about rats, you might’ve seen that news in Paris right? The attack on the satirical news magazine Charlie hebdo. Boy, it left me thinking. People stood for what they believed in, fought and are still fighting in what they believed in. Okay wait who am I taking about? The terrorists or the cartoonists? See that’s why these things confuse me. I don’t want to fake a few emotions so let me just be honest like always. I felt indifferent to the whole thing. I am unable to take sides since I don’t have any emotional attachment to either. Since I consider myself an asshole, I allow myself to stop trying to be ‘righteous’ all the time and think instead. Of course there is nothing I want more than love in this world. But I still understand when people hate. After all it is not about any religion in particular, we are human beings. When were we ever known to be a humane race? I’ve been over all these how-can-we-be-intolerant type of thoughts. I don’t give a shit about most things now.
But hey I am not being inconsiderate. I know how being intolerant is getting more and more unacceptable by ‘progressive’ thinkers and on the other hand, I also know how it feels to be offended. It probably comes from attaching emotionally and investing on sentiments which I don’t do that often. What I am trying to arrive at is that these things happen man. People die. People kill. We’re animals. You always have those idiots who take things too seriously and then when they showcase their assholery this is what we’ll get. In condemning these acts we, for a brief moment, feel as if we are invincible and we matter. While the fact remains that everything perishes.
My instincts prompted me to feel sad for the talented cartoonists even though I have never followed Charlie hebdo. From the way I look at it, the idea of being hard hitting, offensive and on the edge is what gives political or religious satire a sense of power. The makers clearly know this and still continue to do so without falling back to safer and simpler dick and fart jokes. They know very well what they are getting into. I absolutely love South Park (it’s the best I’ve seen no second thoughts) Family guy, Hicks, Carlin, Louis CK, The Onion, Colbert Report (which ended 😦 😦 ), The late night talk shows, SNL and tons of other extremely funny and what people with sentiments might call offensive material. Trey Parker and Matt Stone did get many threats for South Park but they continue to give zero fucks and that’s how it should be. There’s no point in trying to hide, or run away from the hatred. No matter what we do, there will always be people who are offended. It’s just that those threshold limits vary. And then there will always be something out there which might offend you (if you let it.) Ever read the comments section of any news article or a movie review? I continue to wonder at the level of hatred people spread just because others have a different opinion. People passionately spend time in calling names and insulting others if they mock their favourite actors. Then why should we be surprised when some religious fanatic looses his mind when someone makes a crude depiction of his prophet or when a movie mocks their religious rituals or when a foreign religion tries to forcefully convert ‘their’ people. I have also seen people taking advantage of this incident to spread some more hatred on Muslims. How can I possibly wrap my head around all these thoughts?
That is why like always, I choose to believe that, like everything else, with time, this too shall pass; and I now take a moment to thank the universe for my sense of humor and my ability to forget and be indifferent. I am scared to even imagine myself otherwise in this sad sad world. Let me also thank the people who make my laugh despite being the objects of extreme criticism and critical extremism. Keep doing what you do not just because I love it, but because you love doing it. Even if one day I feel offended by some of your content, feel free to make fun me. But never stop doing what you do. It is because of assholes like me, the world need more people like you.
P.S. It’s just a ride :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0
The Cannibal 
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