Charles Darwin once said, or not, I am not sure, that it’s not the strongest, fastest or the sexiest that survives, but those who can handle change and can adapt to the changes that are happening around them. I remember a conversation I once had with an old girlfriend (now ex-) when she passive aggressively, asked me
“Why do people change?” clearly targeting me.
I genuinely thought about it for a while and answered, “Because they are people.”
While my answer made sense to me, it did not help sustain the relationship. For better or worse, now that I think of it, anything that is real can change. It’s not a bad thing though. We are here as human beings today, because we have been through so much and while we might not be aware of it, we are constantly undergoing several changes. The outcome of these changes may not have results that are clearly visible. Sometimes they take time to show themselves. Or sometimes, people like me spend their valuable time thinking and predicting the changes that are going to come very soon. Written below are ten of the possible evolutionary changes/advancements that are long overdue and will show up anytime now. Or let’s put it this way; these are some of the improvements I would like to see to make this silly ride a little more interesting.
• Farts that smell nice: Okay I know this is a gross way to start but this is something that is bound to happen soon. Farting is something we all do without exception but it still continues to be a social taboo. Imagine if it’s the same with coughing or sneezing? How embarrassing would it be if sneezes had the stink of farts. It is because of the lack of stink, sneezes get a “bless you” while farts get disgusting looks even in the washroom. Imagine a scenario where you enter a room with a dead rat and all you have to do is let out a good fart to freshen up the room.
“Wow…. What’s that great fragrance? Sudhams, did you just fart?”
Aaahh what a world would that be!!
• Several sex things: Talking about how the human body will change cannot be completed without mentioning sex. But let’s just keep those aside. Since I am the biggest pervert I know, several pleasant and even more not so pleasant thoughts came to my mind while writing this bit. But since the possibilities are too many and requirements being vigorously graphic, let’s leave this section here and try to get back some other time. We shall just focus on other simpler things.
• Self-cleaning teeth: One of the most boring things to do is brush our teeth every day. But it’s something we cannot ignore. It has to be done every morning because unlike Hollywood movies, we cannot just wake up in the morning get dressed and go to work. That’s disgusting. So as per my prediction, the body will develop some glands which produce enzymes that clean our teeth and by the time we wake up, our mouth is all fresh. Why didn’t this biologically happen already?
• Better audio system: The practical implications of this may not seem relevant to most but for people like me who use public transport often, this makes so much sense. I don’t know if earphones have become expensive or some people just want to watch the world burn but in almost all of my commutes, there will always be one guy playing his music out loud with zero regard to the tastes of the co passengers. At times like those, it would be better if I could just lower the volume of my hearing. If evolution has given fish, the ability to absorb the dissolved oxygen with the help of their gills, it is only fair we get this simple update.
• Dreams: It is pretty obvious that a major chunk of our life is spent on sleep. We just lay there most of the times we don’t even remember our dreams. Even if we do, we’ll forget in a couple of minutes. My doubt is, in the thousands of years of human evolution, since every person had their share of sleep (and thus, dreams) why did we not develop the ability to control what happens in our dreams? I mean, come on man!! Birds that nest on cliffs lay eggs that are slightly pointed at one end so that they will not roll down but stay there rolling in circles. If evolution can do that, why not this? There is lucid dreaming but its practical application is far from reality. Just imagine the possibilities man. Since I already said, there wouldn’t be any talk about sex, imagine the other possibilities man. If that is too much to hope for, we should at least get the ability to remember our dreams. That way we can at least remember and relive few of the wet dreams.
• Special organs for narcotics: No I am not talking about organs that can handle large doses of drugs to protect from Od-ing. I am talking about special organs that produce the drugs inside the body itself. All you have to do after going home after a stressful day at the work is to go sit on the couch, play some Lionel Richie songs and boom you’re high. On your own. How amazing would that be? Just like how the pancreas produces insulin to control the sugar levels in the blood, these glands will, at appropriate times, produce these high inducing chemicals to keep the mind happy and lets you chill. After all, that’s all we need right? To chill!!
• Zoom: The sense of vision is a beautiful one and filled with wonder. The science behind it is truly mind boggling and indeed goes on to prove how the human body is truly a master piece. I for one did not get a fair deal as I had to wear glasses from the age of 12. All that there is are some lenses, nerves and muscles. So it will not be long before the body naturally develops this adjustment facility. I am talking about real life transition from 240p to 1080p. And taking this a step further, just like how we can adjust the focus, how great would it be if we could also have the zoom system. The implications are too many. If only it could happen one day.
• Retractable finger nails: When I started to write this piece, I promised myself not to go into X-Men.
“No Sudhams, no retractable adamantium claws or sexy blue boobs.”
Then I had this itch on my back; and just yesterday I have cut my nails. I felt more helpless than Bruce Wayne in Bane’s prison. “Eww.. Disgusting.” My biology teacher used to say, looking at my fingers back in school before punishing me for growing nails. In fact I didn’t grow them on purpose, they grew on their own. I didn’t bother to cut them often. So why do they have to grow? And why do all the itches seem to come only after you cut your nails. Because of these reasons, it is clear that very soon, we will be developing retractable nails. This might also be a sex thing but like I said, we’ll leave that aside.
• Love: While I have mostly dealt with the physical aspects till now, let me talk about emotions as well. All the updates till now, I get how they didn’t happen already. But this, this I don’t understand. Why isn’t love a simple thing already? Considering the intensity of the feelings and the joy or pain that it causes, why aren’t humans already armed enough to handle love and all that comes with it? We still fumble, fail, recover, fail again and continue to struggle in finding love, keeping it and living with it. Why is it still such an enigma? Humans managed to understand sub-atomic particles, send things beyond our solar system but then why is love still what it is? Crazy and stupid. Come to think of it, have we already evolved? Is this how it is supposed to be? With love, will there ever be a point of feeling content? Since love is the greatest and the most beautiful thing that can happen, it perhaps is foolish to try and tame it, to quantify it or to control it. All the uncertainty and hurdles that come with it are perhaps the evolved way of experiencing love. Or with this sudden realization, did I just evolve a little bit? I don’t know.
Ok so that is it people, some of my predictions about the updates long overdue in humans. I am sure the requirements vary from person to person. There are many I missed out, like growing back limbs after amputation, better immunity, X-ray vision, automatic fat flushing system etc. Do share your views and who knows, one day we will be flying with our leather wings while synthesizing our own food from solar power. Whatever may happen, all we can be sure of is our pursuit of happiness and the best we can do is to keep this journey fun and interesting with love and peace.
The Cannibal 