Hey there readers. All seven of you. Thanks for dropping by. I wanted to narrate some stories from my life and selected one while I was in the shower yesterday. But here’s the deal. I was having trouble going into the details and the details that I have gone into are a little embarrassing for me to admit out in the open. So I figured the only way I can tell you this without feeling ashamed is if I talk this out with the only person who is more shameless than me: ‘Me from 2007’ So that is exactly what I did and here is a copy of our (my) conversation.
Past Me: Hello there. Looks like you’ve put on some weight.
Me: Fuck you bitch!!
Past Me: Woah Woah!!
Me: Sorry. I’m sorry.
Past Me: What’s that man?! Where did that come from?
Me: Sorry man. I am sensitive about my body. Anyway that’s not why I am here.
PM: Okay so you want me to talk about that Blue Pears story right? Ask me whatever you need to know. I have nothing to hide.
Me: You’re not embarrassed?
PM: Seriously? You’re like 27 now and are writing stupid blog posts about stupid things you have done in life for thousands of people on the internet and you’re asking me if I am embarrassed?
Me: It’s actually 7.
PM: What?
Me: Actually 7 people read my blog.
PM: Hahaha.. Why do you even write bro? What happened all your friends? You have like 400 friends on Orkut.
Me: Friends? There have been some misunderstandings.
PM: Some? Did you fuck this up for me? Damn.
Me: There’s no Orkut now by the way. Anyway this is not about me. Well it is but it is about the Blue Pears and Me from the past. Let’s start.
PM: Oh yeah. See after Pongal holidays I forgot to pack my soaps while going back to the hostel.
Me: Bhaskar Bhavan, Sri Chaitanya IIT academy, Vijayawada right?
PM: Yes. So I took one new Blue Pears from Sai Teja.
Me: Yeah I remember.
PM: Oh then you tell the story.
Me: Ok ok sorry.
PM: Hmm so then on wards I managed to use the soap for the next 2 months.
Me: 2?
PM: okay 3
Me: …
PM: Okay okay 4 months.. For 4 months I used a single bathing soap.
Me: That seems like a tad bit too long. Even for a guy in a Sri Chaitanya hostel.
PM: I have the perfect explanation. Shall we go day by day..
Me: Sure let’s start with Monday
PM: See after the exam on Sunday as you might recall, I go home to Tenali every week and return on Monday morning after I take a nice long shower.
Me: Yes I remember. It was so difficult going back to the hostel.
PM: Well yeah.. At least it is almost over now. Few more weeks. Hey by the way, my JEE went very well.
Me: …..
PM: What? Why are you silent?
Me: Please continue. So that’s one shower per day so Monday’s quota is over I suppose.
PM: Yes yes. See here in the hostel, there are different people who have their own bathing patterns and timings.
Me: Yes I remember. Early morning before study hours, during lunch break, during the evening snack break and late in the night after the study hours.
PM: Yeah… and as you might recall I prefer the late night slot. There are these nice bathrooms on the 5th floor and they’ll be rather free late in the night.
Me: Oh yeah… The corner one with the window.
PM: Yeah so since my Monday shower is already over my first shower of the week is on Tuesday night.
Me: Okay continue…
PM: See it will be 11 pm at least by the time I finish and by the time I get ready to sleep, it’s almost Wednesday.
Me: Okay I think I know what you are trying to say.
PM: I skip Wednesday’s shower because midnight covers both the days.
Me: That does not really make sense.
PM: Let me complete… Wednesday is over now and then I have to take a shower on Thursday. But…
Me: But you will have to wait till midnight again.
PM: Yes exactly. You have no idea how clumsy these bathrooms are in the morning hours. Bunch of horny teenagers in towels with buckets standing in a queue.
Me: Ok continue…
PM: So the next one is on Thursday night.
Me: That means you’re done with the Friday also.
PM: Exactly. You’re smart man. I am sure you’re doing great in life.
Me: Well… You see.. Nevermind skip that for now. So Friday is over. Next is Saturday?
PM: You see we have weekly tests on Saturday and Sunday….
Me: Seriously? No shower on a Saturday??
PM: Let me finish man… I am saying that because of the tests, people don’t usually use the showers that much so I actually quite enjoy the Saturday night showers.
Me: Ok ok… So no shower on a Sunday I am guessing.
PM: There is no need to shower in the hostel on a Sunday because I go home in the evening anyway.
Me: Ahh I remember. Nothing like home.
PM: and then it’s Monday and the cycle continues…
Me: So that’s how you managed to use the same soap for 4 months?
PM: Actually I didn’t even realize it was 4 months until Sai Teja saw the soap in my bucket and pointed it out last week. That fellow made fun of me like anything.
Me: Well it seems logical when you explain it. I see no reason for you or me to be embarrassed at all.
PM: I know right. So that’s that about the Blue Pears soap.
Me: When did you finally finish it?
PM: Actually I did not. After he made fun of me, I threw it away and bought a new soap. Mysore Sandal.
Me: Haha that’s what I would do too.
PM: I am you. You idiot.
Me: Hehe.. yes yes…
PM: Hey can I ask you something?
Me: Sure man.
PM: I did well in JEE last week and I am relaxing now and not preparing for EAMCET.
Me: Ohhh…
PM: I will get into an IIT right?
Me: Well… I am not allowed to reveal the future. That’s the rule.
PM: Oh.. I am super-duper confident though. One more thing please…
Me: It’s about that girl right?
PM: Yes.. I think things are going great now. Is she going to…
Me: Oh boy.. Don’t even get me started.
The Cannibal 