My dear readers, there is no time today for formal introductions like hi, hello, welcome to the eleventh edition of the Mann ki Blog. I have so many things to share with you all. Let me first say upfront that I am not too worried about the whole Pegasus affair. Hon’ble Minister of Electronics and Information Technology recently stated in Lok Sabha that the reports of 18 July 2021 appear to be an attempt to malign the Indian democracy and its well established institutions. For the record my dear readers, if it comes to protecting Indian democracy, I am willing to take subscription for Pegasus Prime or Pegasus Premium. Tell me where to sign. I don’t care.
Before we move on, did you know that on this day (24 July) in 1991, Dr. Manmohan Singh presented his first budget as Finance Minister in the then PV Narasimha Rao Government? It was the day that changed India forever. Also, on this day (24 July) in 1969, Jennifer Lopez was born. Now let’s get going.
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The Tokyo Olympics have begun my dear readers. I am sure that our contingent would do great. But a part of me is sad that we are missing a sure shot gold medal. You must be aware that Indian wrestler and two-time olympic medalist Sushil Kumar is in Tihar jail now for ‘allegedly’ being involved in a murder. Poor fellow recently requested the prison authorities to provide him a television to remain up to date about ‘happenings in the wrestling world’. But the authorities allowed him to watch TV only in a common area of the jail ward.
As an ‘Instrumentation’ engineer who duped his mother into buying him a computer in college because ‘it is compulsory for engineers’, I know that Sushil’s reasoning is poppycock. But I feel that if a Khel Ratna awardee asks for a simple TV, we have to just give it to him damnit! I mean if Subrata Roy of Sahara can get ‘benefits which had never been seen by anybody before in prison’ including ‘air- conditioning’, we should be able to provide Sushil a TV.
But the real tragedy is that he is not representing India in Tokyo. He might not be allowed to wrestle for India in future as well. Yes, he is accused in the murder of wrestler Sagar Dhankar. But if you ask me, the whole murder thing should not be seen as a drawback. In fact, murdering someone (allegedly) should have already made Sushil Kumar a badass in the wrestling community. Forget Sagar Dhankar (who clearly is not that great at wrestling), just imagine you are ‘Russian tank’ Abdulrashid Sadulaev or Iran’s ‘Fearless’ Hassan Yazdani. Imagine Sushil walking towards you in the ring and knowing that he is coming straight from jail – after killing a guy (allegedly). Wouldn’t that scare the shit out of you?!
Sushil Kumar – Gold Medal 🥇
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Now I will tell you a joke that I recently cracked my dear readers. It might come as a surprise to you all, but I am quite the jester. Even though the premise of this joke is more suitable for a situational comedy, I am sure it retains some chucklesome experience in written form as well.
During one of our drives, me and my wife saw a guy overtake us in top speed on a scooter. He was carrying two car tyres with him. One tyre at his feet and one tyre around his neck. I immediately saw the opportunity and took it:
“That guy is driving a four-wheeler.” Hahahahahaha!! Classic Sudhams.
It came naturally to me. Like thunder after lightning.
My wife however was not impressed. All I got from her was a casual – Ha! She clearly did not get it. You understood the joke right my dear readers? See, even though I said four-wheeler, the scooter he was driving had only two wheels, like any other scooter. But the reason I said four-wheeler was because he was carrying the two extra wheels, which brought the total number of wheels to four.
At the same time, the four-wheeler I referred to was also not a four-wheeler in the traditional sense of the word. Because the scooter did have only two wheels. Hence, the joke. It is not unnecessarily complicated, like most Christopher Nolan movies. It is clever and funny like all EVV Satyanarayana movies. But all this explaining only made matters worse with my wife. So please let me know how much you enjoyed my joke. My wife needs to understand how great it is.
Honestly, I have no qualms in admitting that I often find myself chuckling at my own quips. Does that make me a narcissist my dear readers?
I don’t think so. Because I don’t have excessive interest in or admiration of myself. Actually, I mostly hate myself.
What does it make me then? I know – a Nahahaharcissist.
If you decide to leave and never come back after reading the previous line, I totally understand my dear readers.
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Since you decided not to leave, I will reward you with a story of one of my celebrity interactions. The year was 2011. The month – January. It was January 2011. I already got a job at Infosys (campus placement) and had one more semester to finish college. I was just starting to use Twitter. The App that we now love and use (to mostly hate and misuse) was a lot different back then. Not everybody had a smart phone. After my brother bought me an Android Phone (Version: Froyo), I no longer had time for listening to FM Radio and transferring MP3 files on bluetooth like my friends. I was busy tweeting to celebrities.
What I am about to tell you now might seem uncharacteristic of me. But I want to share this because even though I might seem like the epitome of kindness and warmth now, I had a dark past. I was an internet troll – before the term even existed.
Friends, this is the twitter handle of actor Siddharth: @Actor_Siddharth
If you go to his twitter account, this is what you might end up seeing:
But when I click on his profile, this is what I see
That is right my dear readers. ‘Indian’ and ‘Decent human’ Siddharth blocked me on Twitter. I will tell you why he did it and why I definitely deserved it.
You see my dear readers, Sidharth was on a roll in Telugu movies for a period back then. After initial successes including Boys (2003), he was making two, often three movies each year. The blockbuster hits Nuvvosthanante Nenodhantana (2005) and Bommarillu (2006) propelled him into stardom. Girls seemed to go crazy about him. He was like a more domesticated and regional BTS.
But by 2011, following a series of flops, he was in a lull. After making a forgettable Baava (2010), he was starring in a movie called Anaganaga Oka Dheerudu, a high-budget star-studded fantasy-adventure film. By the first week of January 2011, the promotions for the movie were in full swing. Siddharth was active on twitter and was aggressively promoting the movie. May be it was boredom, may be it was because of the new social media fad, or may be because I was just trying to get some attention from a celebrity, whatever may be the reason, I began trolling him.
Truth be told. I was not using any cuss words. No religious comments were involved. I was just trying to annoy him. I began replying to his tweets asking him to take things down a notch because Anaganaga Oka Dheerudu was going to bomb. I know, rude. I also kept telling him that he only had two hits in his career and both of them were due to the actresses: Trisha (Nuvvosthanante Nenodhantana) and Genelia (Bommarillu). You see what I mean now? I was actually putting thought into the trolling. I am not proud of myself. That was just what I was doing. Pathetic.
Anaganaga Oka Dheerudu released on 14 January 2011 and bombed. Big time. I mean, bombed like Gokul Chat. Without wasting any time, I went on to Twitter and tweeted to Siddharth something on the lines of – I told you so!
He blocked me.
You see now my dear readers, why I told you that I deserved to be blocked. I was being a jerk for no reason at all. I had a good laugh and shared the whole thing with my friends. As time passed, I forgot the whole thing ever happened.
Years later, during the Chennai floods of 2015, everybody was talking about how Siddarth was leading relief efforts. I tried to see what he was doing and opened my twitter, only to realise:
I felt so bad. He is such a nice guy helping people in all the ways he could. I was such a jerk to him. I wondered what if I was one of the unfortunate people stranded during the Chennai floods? I would not have survived because I could not have message him on twitter for help. See my dear readers, that is why you should be kind to people. Take this as a lesson for your future.
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There is more. Before ending this edition of my Mann ki Blog, I thought that it would be fun to play a little game. It is simple. There are a bunch of statements below. I need you, my dear readers to guess which ones are True and which ones are False. Pretty basic.
1. Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel wrote a book that was published in 1945 called ‘Sangarshma Gujarat’ detailing his experiences during the Quit India Movement.
2. When Vasundara Raje was the BJP Chief Minister of Rajasthan, there was a period when Jyotiraditya Scindia was a Union Minister in the UPA Government. Scindia is Raje’s nephew.
3. Following the services of the sangh volunteers during the 1999 Kargil War, Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee invited the RSS to participate in the Republic Day Parade in 2000.
4. Even though Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s first term as Chief Minister of Gujarat started in October 2001, he entered the Gujarat state legislature on 24 February 2002 only. Three days later, on 27 February 2002, a train burned near Godhra.
Thanks for reading and see you next time.
The Cannibal 