Sudhams Govathoti

Nightmare!!!

Posted on September 30, 2010June 5, 2018 by Sudhams Govathoti

Kind of Heavy and Personal I agree.., this is probably the worst way anyone would prefer waking up….Sudhams

I have no idea how I ended up there but I was in a grand function. It was a kind of thanks giving prayer meeting (something to do with my dad) or it was my Dad’s b’day I’m not sure. I was with my brother in the huge function hall getting ready to receive the guests. There was a lot of excitement everywhere and few of my cousins were asking me to speed things up.I sum how already knew that mom and dad would come a little late and that we need to do the arrangements ourselves.

We were checking the items in the cooking hall and I realized that the sweet needs some more sugar. So I asked my brother to get some before the function starts. He went outside and I was inside sprinkling sugar on to the sweets. As I came outside I saw mom and dad talking with my brother. I rushed to my brother asking him to hurry up coz it won’t be long before everyone arrives. Just then I heard mom telling to someone that my dad is a little sick and he is not interested to be in the function. As I looked at my dad, I realized that she was right. He looked so pale and there was no expression of any kind on his face. He kept staring at something behind me not even looking at me once. And then my brother held him tight to stop him from falling. I too joined him and caught him tightly from the side. He kept falling down. Then all of a sudden I have no clue what happened, I was all alone with him trying my best to stop him from falling down. I held him tightly ( in a way hugged him) close to my body. He kept staring somewhere else not at all listening to me.

I began to shout at him suddenly realizing that he’s not going to make it through. I asked him to do something to fight back. I could feel he was giving it his best but was unable to stand. I held him so close that I could feel his heartbeat. It was getting slower and slower. My shouts were getting louder and louder. I was madly shouting for help and crying. I held him even tightly and closed my eyes feeling the last beat so hard that suddenly I opened my eyes and was in my room (Hostel). My heart beat was so heavy, I could feel it in my head. I realized I was sweating heavily. I saw my mobile and it was 6:15am. I woke up half an hour before my alarm.

General

The One Within!!

Posted on September 24, 2010June 5, 2018 by Sudhams Govathoti

The fact that none of us can deny is that no matter what kind of person we are within, it doesn’t matter unless we bring it out.There will be a million times where we feel we’re much more than what we are.We feel we can do and be much better.We will be quite sure we are in fact a lot better in dealing with things.But in real,we’re not all that we think we are.Our actions don’t always represent our thoughts.What is the favour that we’re doing doing to ourselves?? It is what you are outside that matters the most.Infact that is what that matters.It doesn’t matter if you are a genius or a creative master mind unless you bring it out.

When we’re born, we’re an individual.Unique and like a blank sheet of paper., not sure what to expect from life.We learn to understand things from what is taught to us.From then on we learn things from different sources.Might be from the people we grow up with,family,friends,books,movies etc. Certain things are developed by instinct.But somewhere down the line the individuality in its true sense is lost.We get stuck in the group.There is pretty much no avoiding this because socializing is the Human necessity for survival.We all have to go to schools and colleges.What actually happens here is that the mind is programmed.What I mean by programmed is that we are influenced in our decision-making,choices,opportunities,interests etc.Then again, this need not always be bad.

Having provided with various things to choose from, life never tells us what to decide or what to choose.It is our inner self that somehow knows what is that we need. But because of all the programming done, we tend to choose the things that do not suit us and finally end up blaming.But the sad thing here is that what we are and what we become depend entirely on the choices we make in life.So the realization of listening to the inner person is very important.

Considering the little time we have here to live, it is not a great mistake to listen to the heart.To simply put it, when we hear people talking about things like listening to the heart, follow your heart, let instinct be your guide…. It simply means BE YOURSELF. That is what and who we really are. That is the little Us remaining after all the programming.Our heart,Our instinct,Our conscience everything refers to who we really are and the fact that following your heart will lead to a satisfying and liberating life is due to the simple reason that we live our life the way we are meant to live.So I feel that the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.One has to start de-programming the mind.There’s no point in wasting the time we’ve got here.Ultimately it’s our life and no one can live it better than us and no one can really stop us from being Ourself.All the programming has hidden our true nature.So what I am asking here is to stop living someone elses life.Let the person within come out.Unleash the madness within.Because We are not what we think we are. WE are what we do!!!

Memoirs

Oh mere jaan.mp3

Posted on September 18, 2010June 5, 2018 by Sudhams Govathoti

Certain events in life get tangled with the music that I listen all the time. And later they produce some wonderful as well as depressing memories each time I play them back. Let me narrate a small incident that took place quite a long time ago. I wont go into details about the story that lead to this incident or the story that happened later….. Sudhams

During the holidays after I wrote my eamcet exam, I used to chat alot with a girl that I seriously had a crush on from a very long time. We were not in any sort of relationship but were getting to know each other. We were always in touch by text msgs. So as I was saying about this incident, it was a very pleasant evening that transformed into a cold night with lovely little showers. I had my first mp3 player with me. It hardly had 15 songs in it. My personal fav at that time was the track “oh mere jaan” from life in a metro. I used to have it with the repeat option so that I won’t have to start it again and again. So as the climate was getting beautiful, I decided to go out for a drive. I was using my mom’s mobile then. I told my mom that I was going out to recharge her mobile so that she wouldn’t mind letting me out at that hour.

I came out of the house feeling the cool breeze brushing through my legs( I was in shorts). Then I started my mp3 player which began playing oh mere jaan. Before starting , I msgd the girl that I was going out for a drive and wud msg after a while. I started coming down the stairs and after almost reaching the ground floor, I heard my mobile beep. I knew whose msg it was and thought that it was just an acknowledgment for my previous msg. but anyways as she was quite important, I took out the mobile from my pocket and opened the msg.

All that the screen displayed was LOVE YOU SUDHAMS. I cannot actually describe my immediate reaction as things went blank for a while but as I got my senses back in a few seconds I realized that I wud’ve fallen on the stairs if it’s not for the wall that I held on to. The song was still playing. The player had no idea what just happened to me. Anyways I’m not sure if my heart skipped a beat like they say but I could clearly feel my heartbeat somewhere near my throat. My insides were exploding. All that I’ve been through in the past few years came rushing back. I did not reply for some reason and ran to my bike. I double checked if the repeat option is still on.

As I came out of the building, the showers were still coming as if to make things more perfect. I once left the handle, closed my eyes and brushed through my hair feeling the rain drops hitting my face gently. The song was still playing. I covered the entire town a couple of times listening to the same song over a dozen times. It was as if I wouldn’t stop at anything. The song never felt so wonderful and so special to me till that moment.

After a worried call from my mother, I came back home with the song still playing and this time with a huge smile on the outside and true celebration in the inside…

Hmmmm so this is about the incident. I don’t think I have to mention the kind of memories the song carries. I’ve changed three music players after that and broke up with the girl after about three years. As far as the song is concerned, it’ll always be with me in every music player that I carry. It has become a tiny locker that hides several tiny yet depressing memories. All of them come rushing out once my player starts playing OH MERE JAAN…..

Memoirs

Mirinda!!!

Posted on September 7, 2010June 5, 2018 by Sudhams Govathoti

This is a certain incident that happened when I was doing my industrial training in BHEL, Hyderabad. Not sure why I wanted to write about. If it seems lame and boring plzz avoid it… Sudhams!!!

A few weeks back I went to Lingampalli station(hyd) for cancelling the tickets that I’ve reserved earlier. After waiting in the Q for about 45 mins, I finally got to the counter. The man was quite polite and he quickly cancelled all the three tickets. He asked me if I had a change of 40/- so that he can give me round figure of 900/- . When I said that I didn’t have any, he said that I’d have to go and bring as he didn’t have the change. Normally I wudn’t have liked listening to these sort of things but as I found the guy polite I decided to go get the change.

He gave me the cancellation tickets. I walked on to platform but I knew there were no shops in there. So I walked all the way to the 6^th platform on the footover bridge checking the cancelled tickets and found a shop having softdrinks. I usually buy thumsup or pepsi but for some reason chose mirinda. I got the change I needed so I walked back to the counter this time drinking the mirinda. I got my money and walked out of the station. It felt kind of weird drinking mirinda after a long time (probably coz of not eating anything after the previous day’s lunch). So then I came out of the station drinking the mirinda and then checked my mobile if I had any msgs. Sunny called up and told that he and Prithvi would meet me at BHEL.

Just as I kept my mobile in my pocket and opened the bottle cap again, I saw an old lady with a small steel vessel. I don’t remember her face but I’m sure she’s well over 70 years of age. I closed the bottle and started to walk slowly trying to figure out what she’s upto. She quietly sat beside the muddy water pool that might’ve formed coz of the heavy rain the previous night. I started to walk even slower to see wat she’s gonna do next. She started to gather the water from the pool makin sure she’ll collect it from the upper level.(I thought I didn’t help as the entire pool is equally muddy.) this tym I stopped walking and tightly closed the bottle holding the cap between my fingers and letting it hang. i wondered wat she’s gonna do with that water. I had no clue in wat way a small amount of muddy water can help a 70 year old women. May be for some household thing I thought not sure wat I could be.

But to my surprise she emptied the entire vessel of the dirty water onto herself over the saree which was nevertheless already very dirty. It was then my mind went kind of blank. She did the same again and this time I realised that she was actually trying to take a bath. I couldn’t stand there any long so I started to walk slowly trying not to think of it. I no longer felt like drinking the mirinda for some reason. I even wanted to throw the botttle away but didn’t do that either. I just kept walking till the main road trying to get the scene out of my mind.

I got into an auto and still didn’t open the bottle. I kept thinking about the old lady. I was in some kind of black out not knowing whats actually going in my mind. I didn’t knew if could help her in some way. The mirinda in my hand is no longer cool. I closed the bottle cap tightly. Finally I got down near bhel, went inside and walked to the park and sat there on a stone. I kept the bottle on the ground beside me. After a few minutes the guys came. Sunny took the bottle without saying a word, drank the mirinda and threw the bottle away.