The Cannibal

I collapsed…right infront of them.Not something that I am proud of even today but what the hell it was my first time….Sudhams

Everybody from my class were super excited when the announcement came that there was gonna be a dance competition in the school. It was when I was in my 7^th class.The Annual Sports meet became the second most exciting thing of the year. When I first heard of the announcement I laughed at the people who were interested. I mean how can they shamelessly dance infront of the crowd..All our teachers would be watching and most of all dancing is so girly… 😛

But when a few people from the class began practicing and bringing the audio cassettes to classes,  I kind of got attracted. Moreover I was the captain of the Green house and I cannot possibly be a good example to my teammates if I did not take part. Also one more reason is that there was this girl it the class that I always tried to impress and what better way than to show her my dancing skills.. so yes I gave my name for the selections…

Training:

First things first, Dancing kind of came naturally to me. I never had any formal training or anything. I watched a lot of movies and television and somehow I had the grooving in me 😉

So I did not practice much for the competition. I wasn’t really aiming at winning the prize. Impressing the girl was the primary objective. I was more into training my friends and helping them choose good songs. I myself chose this song from an old Venkatesh film. I thought that it was cool enough and I did not even practice for that.I did not even fell like buying a costume for that. I wore a t shirt reverse(so that it’ll look like a turtle neck) and on that wore some other shirt with a pair of jeans to go along with that.. that’s all. So everything was set for the selections..

I bunked the school on the day before the competitions coz I had to attend a function at my uncles house.

As a child I always liked Hindi music probably coz there were no Telugu music channels back then. So as I was watching M Tv that day, I saw this absolutely awesome song from Dil Chahta Hai…

“Koi kahe…kehta rahe.. kitna bhi hamko diwana…

Koi kahe…kehta rahe.. kitna bhi hamkoooo diwana…”

Aamir, Saif and Akshay was dancing like crazy…The song’s got the right mix…

“Yes….this is it!!” I was sure that it was the song I was gonna dance for. I begged my mom for the money and immediately bought the audio cassette(there were no cds back then).

I was just playing the song for the second time when a friend of mine came home and told me that the selections were to be held that evening during the study hours. The very next day was the competition.I had no other option except to hurry up. Even while taking a bath I was still confused which song to choose. Finally I thought a Hindi song would make me look cool infront of the girl and so I picked up the Dil Chahta hai cassette and went to the study hours.

Selections:

There is no need to mention about the Hungama in the class that evening. Everyone was doing their part in creating a scene. There was this girl “Jaya” who was supposed to be the best dancer of us all. Everybody was sure that shez gonna win the first prize. I thought even she knew that… looking at her confidence. Anyway I wasn’t looking to win prizes, I was just gonna impress my girl.(For the record… that girl didn’t participate in the competition)

“Sudhams!! Madam is calling you.. take your cassette along with you to the lab!!”  a senior announced..

What?? Why should I be the first one?? I should atleast know what it will be like.. It was the first time ever the competition is being held and I was called to dance infront of Annie Madam and Sushma Teacher!!?? and the worst part is I wasn’t even sure what I was gonna perform infront of them…Aaarrgghhh.. cudn’t  believe my luck.. 😦

Everybody shouted and wished me luck as I nervously left my classroom and walked towards the lab.

“Good evening ma’am..good evening teacher…”  I wished them both..

They smiled back at me. I knew they always loved me. They knew me from a long time. There was nothing to be afraid of. Just need to keep my cool and do my best.

“Koi kahe…kehta rahe.. kitna bhi hamko diwana…

Koi kahe…kehta rahe.. kitna bhi hamkoooo diwana…”

I began making a few moves but I could sense my legs shivering.

“What am I doing??They’re my teachers!!What if I am not even selected for the event??Am I making a fool out of myself??” all these and a thousand more questions ran through my mind. I was even surprised my mind cud process that much information all at the same time..

I collapsed…right infront of them.Not something that I am proud of even today but what the hell it was my first time.

“Are you nervous Sudhams??Are you alright??Shall we try again??”  my madam asked.. isn’t she wonderful!!??

“I’ll just have some water and come ma’am” I said..

“Ok lets do onething.. we’ll call you again and meanwhile you stay back in the room and feel free.. call Jaya when you go back.Shes next in the list”

Ahh man… I cudn’t believe I freaked out infront of two of my favorite teachers. Atleast I got another shot at it. When I came back to the class I did not look at anybody.Everybody was asking questions..I did not answer any and when I told what happened inside I became the laughing stock of the class.Things became worse when Jaya came back.She was so confident that her body language made me think that they wont even call me for a second try. 😦

But they were my fav teachers and as I told..they loved me. So they called me again..

Everybody began to laugh again but I was not bothered..

I went in..

“Are you ready Sudhams?”

“Yes ma’am!!”

And for the next 60 seconds or so.. I never looked at them. I imagined that room to be my bathroom and I began to dance..

“Ok good!!Wait for the results..you can go” she said with a smile.. I knew I was in \m/

Competitions:

It was a delight to watch all the participants in their costumes and make up. Everybody was super excited and the three judges were all my fav teachers who always liked me. Annie ma’am, Sushma teacher and some other Hindi teacher I don’t remember her name.

Everybody danced really well which really surprised me. I was just standing behind the stage making sure the girl was watching. But when Jaya danced.. it was really discouraging. I mean I even thought it was not even worth going on to the stage after her performance. She was indeed a good dancer.

When they announced my name.. I kinda felt very relaxed this time. I simply went on to the stage and looked at the girl just to make sure she was watching and as soon as the music began.. the entire school became my bathroom again. 😛

“Even to this day I don’t have any idea what I did on the stage that day.There were no videos unfortunately but I sure do remember the girl giving me a shake-hand after the program is over and a couple of teachers from lower classes called me personally to their class to appreciate me.”

Aftermath:

Yes like anybody after reading this would expect… I won the First prize 😛 😀

They gave me a big shield that I proudly took home and even today I keep it in the living room shelf right in the center of several other prizes that I won and every time I look at it.. I remember the entire story like it was yesterday.

And ya…Jaya got the second prize 😀 😛

“I came to my room after study hours and a friend of mine (who happened to join there along with me) came running to me and told me something that I wish was not true. At that moment I thought a lie would’ve been better because the truth is often too much to handle.”

The day we got these photos, she told me that I had a better smile than this 🙂

*****

I don’t remember the first time I saw her but Lakshmi teacher was my class teacher when I was in my third standard. She was new to my school and used to teach social studies. A very pretty woman with a welcoming smile and a wonderful person to have as a class-teacher. As for me, I was always an active student. Even if I wasn’t the class topper I was always in the top five and she liked me, atleast that’s what I thought.

Her house was just a few blocks away from mine. She lived with her mother and son, Jaydeep, who was in kindergarten. At that time my uncle used to teach social studies for higher classes. He introduced me to her as his nephew and so I had her special attention, which I enjoyed. I even went to her house many times to play and to fly kites. I even remember being at her house for Jaydeep’s birthday party. However, I never knew who her husband was or what he did. It’s wasn’t an important thing for an 8 year old.

I have a few faint memories of her class also. She once gave us a drawing assignment. My work was to draw pictures of household tools (hammer, screwdriver etc.) After we submitted our assignments, she gave us football shaped erasers. I only wish I had kept the eraser with me now. For Independence day, all that the class could afford to bring for her, with the funds we collected, was a 300ml thumsup. We didn’t even have an opener. For several minutes she tried to open the bottle herself and when it finally did open, without having it herself, she made the entire class have a sip each. Such a sweet person she was. Call it fate or luck, our school decided to have our class pictures taken for the first time, that very year. The day we got those photos, she told me that I had a better smile than the one in the picture.

Sadly, after that academic year, she left our school. Frankly, I wasn’t really heart broken or anything. You always get new teachers that become close to you. After few years when my brother changed schools, he came home the first day and told me that Lakshmi teacher was working in his new school. Okay. 

                                                                                *****

The best surprises are those that come when you least expect them. Lakshmi teacher came back to my school when I was in 8^th class, not to teach social students to 3rd class students but to teach physics to 8th, 9th & 10th class students. Good news. There were plenty of new faces in the class when she came in for the first time and yes a few old ones too. She seemed glad to see us all grown up and I was really happy too. But things were not going to be like the good old days. I was the same old active student but all I remember from her classes were the punishments she gave me.

>>Sending me out of the class for beating up a kid.

>>Making me kneel down outside when I make fun of that kid infront of the whole class.

>>Sending me to the principal’s office.

>>Scolding me for not being punctual.

>>Making remarks about how I wasn’t the sweet kid she once knew.

But I was always the same. I was always her student, who always loved her. Even if she was furious at me most of the times, I was never angry at her. I always admired her.

This is her writing & signature (my notes)

It was not always the same either. She was among the first few who appreciated me when I did well. When I won prizes in dance competitions, when I gave a good speech on 15^th august or when I got good marks, she always had wonderful things to say.

It was particularly in my 10^th clas, I remember her spending most of her time with us because of the public examinations. She had a very practical approach and always advised us to prepare all the previous year exam papers. That, I did really well and after a really poor performance in the first pre-final (32/50 I think) I studied all the previous papers and in the second prefinal I got 49/50 in physics. I was doing well in biology as well and so was able to score more in science than in mathematics, something that never happened before.

One particular incident that I remember is on the day before our final exam. She came to the study hours in the evening to give some last minute tips and important points to remember. As she was talking to the entire class, I was writing some important bits, diagrams, formulae etc. on the black board behind her. She didn’t really mind because I was always like that and as I was doing well in the recent exams she had faith in me(atleast I thought so). So when she was done, she looked at the board that I filled with all the important stuff (that I predicted would come in the exam) and smiled. She left after sometime wishing us all the best.

I was determined to score a hundred in science so I wrote the paper really well the next day and she was the first person I told that to after my exam was over. I even mentioned to her that a lot actually came in the question paper out of all those points that I wrote on the board. She congratulated me for that.

That is the last memory I have of her. I did not meet her again and even if I did I do not have any memory of it. Sigh.

                                                                                *****

After my exams I never really bothered talking to my old school teachers. I joined Intermediate in Vijaywada (Sri Chaitanya Hostel)

One day I came to my room after the study hours and a friend of mine (who happened to join there along with me) came running to me and told me something that I wish was not true. At that moment I thought a lie would’ve been better because the truth is often too much to handle.

He told me that Lakshmi teacher died.

“What!!!???”

“Yes she commited suicide…”

My God, it was too much for me to take all at once. I could not believe it. I understood why my dad was a little hesitant talking to me on the phone earlier that evening. He was hiding this from me. But I knew it now. I couldn’t believe it. Denial wasn’t gonna help either.A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, flashes from my 3rd class days. I just sat on an old cot in the balcony of my hostel and wondered what would’ve happened. There were several rumours in school about her family problems, her husband and many other things but whatever the reason was, she found it difficult to handle and decided to end her life leaving behind her only kid with her mom. I wanted to talk with my friends from school but I was in my hostel and it was 11 ‘O’ clock in the night. I wondered why I was not crying. Wasn’t she special to me? I don’t know what I did later that night, except sleep and go back to classes the next day. That was it, there was nothing else to do even after coming home for vacations. I did meet a few of my friends who told me that she commited suicide by drinking something and probably because of family problems.

The other day I was roaming on the roads when I happened to pass by her old house, the same house where I went to Jaydeep’s birthday party all those years ago. I recollected the time when we gave her the thumsup in 3rd class. The thing is, I never really saw her as a real person with real problems. I mean, I never imagined her with her family or anything. She was just Lakshmi teacher to me. Her voice and her smile. There were several wonderful teachers in my life. Few even more close to me than Lakshmi teacher. But the reason why I cannot forget her is because of the fact that she is not alive anymore and there is no way for me to meet her and tell her in person, how much I respect her and how much I Love Her.

P.s. I scored 96 in Science in my tenth class (One mark more than what I got in Maths). As they don’t give marks separately, I decided to believe that I scored a 50 in physics and lost the 4 marks in biology.

Chapter 1: The Excuses

All of us have excuses to tell to people. Especially our teachers. Right from our early school days to the end of our graduation we tell our teachers all kinds of reasons for our irregular behavior.I’ve told my teachers all sorts of reasons and excuses some of them so silly but ignored coz of my age.

Most Commonly used Excuses:

When absent to school

>>Went to Guntur

>>High Fever

>>Function at home

If I did not complete my homework

>>Forgot notes

>>Lost my notes

>>Gave my notes to a friend who is absent today

Absent for study hours

>>Function

>>Cycle repair

>>Headache, Doctor’s appointment

So it is pretty clear that with this sort of a foundation I never found it difficult to come up with spontaneous reasons to tell to my lecturers.

Chapter 2: The Enemy

No matter how many reasons we tell there were always those teachers who cud see past those reasons and find ways to punish us.They find it rather amusing to give us punishments.I had many of that kind during my schooling and college life.

Like Sundari teacher from my school days who used to eat away the interval break and the lunch hour by making us write imposition. Those kind of reasons never worked with her. Whether it is a textbook forgotten, homework unfinished, or a diagram not labeled; it meant that there wasn’t gonna be any recess that day.

There’s Mr.Srinivas Reddy, our campus incharge in intermediate.Used to tell him all sort of reasons to take outing.Apart from faking sickness and sleeping in the sickroom I remember telling him once that one of my ears was not working.I still remember that look on his face and that was kind of funny but not entirely a lie.I really had some kind of infection that got cured by few anti-biotics.

And therez my very own KK ma’am recently.There is seriously nothing else we generally remember in a particular semester(Regarding acads I shud mention)when she takes up a lab.Those countless hours of record writing, observation writing, doing the experiments is all you remember.But even this seems less torturing when it comes to the  correction part.Even after hours of waiting outside her room, we get kicked out coz the circuit diagram is too small or sumtyms just because we did not write as much matter as Lavanya(Topper/Her Fav) did.

Chapter 3: I Have a problem

One thing I like about Kamala Kumari ma’am is that she did not fail people.Even if she did there would be several others who might be in her hit list before me.So I never really worried about finishing her record and observation in time and getting it corrected.Even if we keep going to her from the beginning she keeps on increasing the corrections and we end up on the last day before the lab exam with the final signature pending. So I never showed my face to her and kept postponing the correction when I was in 3-2.

I was planning on going to her in the last week and face some intense moments all at a time so that I can avoid weeks of irritation and that was what I did but still found it difficult to handle that one week of torture .So I decided to make use of all the excuse telling history that I have as she was telling me that shez not willing to take a look at my record as I didn’t come for corrections all this time.So the next day I thought of a good reason(good or unusual)to tell her as an excuse for my absence the whole time during record correction.

I stood outside her room as there were few of my juniors with their records inside her room.I did not want to tell the excuse infront of them.So I decided to wait outside but however she called me in. Before I could just open my mouth she began scolding me for being so irregular, for being irresponsible, for acting too smart and a million other reasons. I quietly stood there waiting for my juniors to leave.

Once they left, she kind of calmed down a bit and asked me to get lost and declared that she wudn’t correct my record and that I had to come next year to do the lab.I knew she was just threatening me and she would anyhow correct it soon enough.All she wanted now was to see me do some work like all my classmates. So it was the perfect time for me to use my master weapon..my final option..the ultimate excuse…

“Ma’am actually..the thing is… I have a problem.. a psychological problem and I’m attending the counseling sessions. I’m not staying in the hostel.. that is why I’m not regular ma’am…”

I made my point clear…

She was clearly not expecting anything like this and she tried hard to hide the shock in her face with some more anger and asked me to leave the room and also shouted that I always tell some crazy reasons.

I came out pretty confident that my idea wudn’t go wrong.Even if she kicked me out again I was sure I got the tiger right where I wanted it.

That was probably the craziest reason I ever told to anyone…

Aftermath:

Well that actually worked to a large extent coz never again was I seriously bugged by her. She did not talk to me much after that and I was more than happy for that as talking, to her was serious banging  for us.I had to act a bit crazy infront of her but that was not a big problem.

As for the lab…I think I got a B grade!!

There was nothing a 11 year old couldn’t do.. except ofcourse knock the door…Sudhams

As a kid, my birthday always fascinated me. I always looked forward for being the one day celebrity.All the people from my class treating me differently, singing me the birthday song when I stood beside the teacher feeling glad and yet pretending to be embarrassed, distributing candy to all my classmates and later go on rounds to all the classes receiving blessings from all the teachers.Ahhh.. the good old days…

But like anybody else I was seriously upset when my birthday was on a Sunday when I was studying 7^th class. It  was on September 8th.. only four days remaining for the WTC buildings before Osama executed his master plan(yes.. that xact same year) Anyways coming to the point, not that I did not have a great tym with my family but the fact that I’m not going to be the celebrity in my class was very very disappointing. Even if I distribute chocolates the next day it wudn’t be the same. I had to face it.. my birthday is not going to be memorable.

The harder fact to digest was that I don’t have a chance to be with that pretty girl from the next section on my birthday.There is a girl like that in every-bodies life and as a 11 year old all you look for is an opportunity to be with or spend tym with the girl of your dreams and what better opportunity than your birthday!!?? The girl who makes you blush when you watch a movie where the hero kisses the heroine. The girl who keeps looking at you in the class. The girl whom you try to impress all the time even if it means that you get punished by the teacher.

But as I was a genius master-mind I came up with an idea that is gonna make the day special. I decided to go to her house.I’ve never been to her house before. I mean I know where it is but I never went in. Going to her house on my birthday was an awesome idea. I imagined talking with her parents. They wud treat me as a guest shaking hands with me as I looked at their daughter. Who knows I can stay for hours spending time with her family.

Yes there is nothing more perfect. That would be awesome. I can talk with her directly with no one of my pesky friends around making lousy comments.So yes the program is fixed and I was happy with myself for coming up with the great plan.

So as soon as I woke up to the wonderful greetings from my family and blessings from my grand parents over the telephone..(There were no midnyt wishes and texts back then. Those were the times when we used to buy friendship-bands and greeting cards.)  I quickly got ready to go meet the girl of my dreams. Yes I’m ready and as it was my birthday nothing could possibly go wrong. I told to my parents that I was going to meet my friends. I went and bought a dairymilk eclairs packet(That was my fav at that time)and went straight to her house riding my bicycle. I was trying not to be nervous but as a kid who just turned 11 it was something very hard to overcome.

I stopped right infront of her house and looked at the house. The gates were closed and I need to open it and go in..climb a couple of stairs onto the sit-out and then finally knock the main door and she would open the door with a surprise and then greet me with a pretty smile. Then ask me to come in and introduce me to the family. Yes its that simple.

I got down the cycle and took a few chocolates into my hand and started walking towards the house. I had to admit I was feeling very nervous. As soon as I was leaving I’d ask for the address of few other friends(just to give her an idea that I was gonna visit many other houses.That wud make me look less desperate..yaa another one of my gr8 ideas)and if things go well I wanted to invite her to my birthday party later that evening.Even though that was way beyond reality, it was worth a shot.So I opened the main gate and entered the compound.Thank goodness there were no dogs. I slowly walked up to the sit-out and came near the door…all I needed to do was to knock the door and things will be on a roll.

Just for a second I stopped breathing and tried listening to anything happening inside. I could hear her fighting with her younger brother and then both of them arguing.Then I heard her mother shouting at them to keep quite.

There are many things a 11 year old can do.Fix the bicycle.. go fetch groceries for your mom.. hire a rickshaw.. even go to a friends house on the other end of the town. But I was standing right there.. inside the compound of my dream girls house. Just a knock away from becoming the one day celebrity and just a knock away from being greeted not only by her but her entire family.. but all I did was turn back and run.. yes I ran.I silently ran away from there carefully without making any noise. I climbed on to my cycle and rode away. Not sure why.. may be I was just too afraid that I would make a total fool out of myself. Whatever may be the reason I was unable to execute the perfect birthday plan and had to return back home disappointed.So close yet so far..

P.s…

Well I did give her some candy the next day and she greeted me with the same smile I imagined. About her parents… well they also greeted me.. not that year but some 7-8 years later over the telephone when she called me up on my birthday to wish me.That is how strange things work out some times and regarding the 11^th birthday no matter what the outcome of my plan was.. that day still remains a special one.

I wrote this a few days back. A few days back when I was still in my college. I’m posting this now as I was a little busy the last few days. Its not a story..its just a page from my journal..

The weather went crazy soon after the Udyoga Vijayotsavam.(A function organized to celebrate the success of the outgoing students) The heavy rain finally stopped as we began to move out of the auditorium.But the rain did leave a lot of pools to jump into and splash around. We got into the jeep that Vinod brought and played for a while. Then he left to drop our class girls as I began to walk back to the hostel with Majji.

After going to my room I was so tired but not ready to go to bed.That wud probably be the last tym I’d hang out with all my friends in my hostel.So me and Suhaas went to the gallery where Pubbi and Sunny were already sitting.The weather was so beautiful. It was silent and the only thing making any noise was the cool breeze. There was no one around except for us. The lighting was still there and a couple of workers started to remove the lights as we had a nice talk for a while.All our class boys then came to the gallery in that jeep and said that they’re going to the beach. I cudn’t decide if I wanted to go or not.I wanted to go but was dead exhausted.

So all I did was buy a 2 litre pepsi bottle and came back to the hostel. My friends were already there sitting on the jeep talking about stuff. So for the next couple of hours all we did was sit on the jeep and chat. We laughed a lot. Slowly as the night became older, one after the other began to go back to their rooms to sleep. The beach program was canceled and we were gonna go watch the sunrise early tomorrow.

It was then the most ridiculous events took place.Nothing big.. nothing worth sharing with the crowds. As I was about to finish my drink(the full 2 litres) somebody went and brought a mat.We sat down on the road infront of our hostel.Then had the most weird and meaningless conversation ever.It was kind of a metaphor of our engineering life. Lot of information shared yet useless, very interesting yet foolish, finally seemed like we were wasting our time but time spent enjoying is never wasted.We spoke about engineering life about love about life about trust about understandings and misunderstandings about our future. No matter how different our perspectives were we did not argue coz that is what happens when you are with people you love. You don’t argue when ideologies conflict. You just discuss.

Naturally time flew by and it was almost early morning. We have been talking all night sitting and sleeping on the road infront of our hostel. Don’t know what we have derived from all the wisdom radiated there but one thing I’ll keep with me is the wonderful tym that I spent with my friends talking because soon we’ll be on our own paths and unless our roads cross somewhere, we wont be meeting each other.

So as it was time for the sunrise we decided to wake everybody up. I went to my room and left my mobile there.By the time I came back only Tarun was sitting in the jeep.I went in and sat in the drivers seat.He sat beside me and said “Sudhams..lets go for a ride before they come..”

I said I didn’t know know to drive a jeep. He said that he did and we exchanged seats. I shud’ve noticed he wasn’t completely awake. Just when the guys were coming down, he hit the accelerator hard and the jeep went straight and hit a bike that was parked right infront of us. It did not stop there and went straight to hit a tree. That was when Vinod came rushing and shouted at Tarun to hit the breaks. The jeep stopped right infront of the tree. Yes no ones injured and we are all well awake now.

We set out to Tenneti park on a jeep and a couple of bikes. It was probably the best place to watch the sunrise. I did it twice before in my engineering. Once with Sunny and Shankar and the other with my mom. This was special coz it’s the last time as an engg. student. Probably the best way to mark the end of what was so beautiful, eventful and satisfying. All the way to the beach Sudheer and Chaithu kept blocking the road ahead of us with their bike and Vinod was equally challenging them with the jeep. The roads were empty and not even cops were present. Before we knew it we were already at the Tenneti park.

The watchman said there was still time for the gates to open. That did not disappoint us. The thing with our batch is that no matter where we are we wont stop having fun. Even if its on a road with the vehicle tyre punctured at noon or it’s a boring seminar in the south campus guest house or even KK  ma’ams lab.(Yes all these happened) so we stayed on the road jogging and imitating those people from the laughing clubs. And before long.. light  filled the air and the black waters were now visible. We went running inside and stood at the platform from where the whole wide ocean can be seen below us.

The light was full but we were not there to see the Bay of Bengal or the Beautiful sands. We were there to see the Sunrise and we were not going to sit there waiting for it. We ran down the steps and went near the huge rocks. The early morning seemed have woken up the sea as well. The water was fresh and kept splashing hard against the rocks on which we stood taking photos. I was getting exhausted.

Just as we were busy taking photos and chatting.. the sun began to appear. It did not come out yet but the signs were clear. It was just a matter of minutes. I did not want to see the sunrise from down there. So I gathered all the remaining energy and began running up the stairs.

I ran as fast as I could because I did not want to miss the sunrise. That is what I came here to see. I finally did it. I ran and ran and reached the place where few of my friends were standing and there it was….

Piercing through the clouds it came out slowly… bright red and yet pleasing to the eyes. With the wide spread sea below it.. kind of like a huge canvas. Slowly and beautifully it came out completely and it painted a beautiful red carpet on the sea right from the horizon to the sands. It was a sight worth waiting for and it will be an insult to even try and portray its beauty in words. It was a sight that makes you wanna believe that god exists.

I left my friends and sat on a stone just below from where they were standing. I was having serious energy issues. I was getting dizzy and my head began to make loud noises(probably coz of the pepsi last nyt) I just sat there looking at the sunrise. That was exactly what I went there for. If the rain last night cleaned away the left over garbage from the semester…this sunrise brought a freshness to my life. It broke me free from any left over business. That second I realized I don’t have any bondages left. I’m free from all the work. I’m free and available for all the beauty this world possess. That very second I realized I am no longer gonna be a vizaggite.. i’m gonna miss it no matter how much i love it.. that very second I felt dizzier and so walked slowly back to the jeep and collapsed in the front seat…

Before I begin with the story let me make it clear that everything written here is true and that not even a tiny part of it is made up. I’m pointing this out again and again coz when things were happening that day even I found them to be unbelievable..Sudhams

After a couple of exciting days in Chennai, me and my mother were on our way back. This time my brother was coming home with us. That makes three of us. So when the Pinakini express arrived at the station me and my brother went and sat inside the compartment. My mother was way behind us as she’s a slow walker. Nyway we sat inside the compartment which was totally empty except for me and my brother. As we started to talk.. something truly amazing happened. The girl, that very girl who made my journey via paradise possible walked right past us. I only looked at her for 2 seconds and recognized it was her. My heart sank into my stomach. That was impossible!!She was supposed to return on Tuesday and it was only Monday!! I was like….OMFG!!

She did not notice me though. The next half an hour before the train started was really exciting. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I kept smiling and laughing the whole time. I wanted to go check all the compartments that are behind us and atleast tell her that I’m in the same train. I wanted to see her reaction.I sumhow knew there would be some chance seeing her again. I just needed to wait.

The train started.My mother and me sat next to each other and my brother sat in the seat ahead of ours.Even after an hour of the journey all I could think of was that girl. I knew that the ending was perfect but this came as a real surprise. I cannot end it like this.It wud’ve been ok if I hadn’t seen her but now that I knew she was in the same train I had to do something.I decided to go and search for her. There were only three more compartments that lie behind ours and as she walked that way I was pretty sure that they would be somewhere in those three compartments.And the best part is that all those are interconnected.

Visit No1:

After almost one hour I told my mom that I needed to pee and went running back to the next compartment searching for her. I had no clue what I’d do if I found her but nevertheless I began looking for her.

May be I’ll just look at her and wait till she sees me.. smile at her.. and then walk back before my mom gets suspicious. That did not seem like a very good idea for a perfect finish though.With all these thoughts I almost got to the end of the next compartment.It was there I saw her once again. Her face seemed so familiar as if I’ve known her pretty well.But i Could not look into her eyes. She was sleeping.

Awww… now that was not something that I was hoping for. I didn’t knew what to do next except to go further back and just wash my face in the sink. I stood there for a couple of mins and decided to go back as I did not want any complications with my mom.

As I almost reached the end of their compartment, I looked back and my eyes met with hers. It was not the girl I was hoping to see. It was that fat girl(her relative who was in the last journey). She seemed to be really surprised. We silently smiled at each other.She wanted wake her up but she was a couple of seats behind hers and there were even more relatives and friends this time.So I just smiled at her and came back to my seat.

Visit No2:

I have this strange habit of trying to give a proper ending to things. I want those perfect moments to be remembered. And what I so far had was no where close to a good ending to the story that happened so far. I had to go back again to see her. She had to know I was on the same train. I was determined to make a move of some sort. So after a couple of hours I once again went to pee( by that I mean to try out my next move) .

By the tym I reached her seat shez awake but was looking out the window. She couldn’t see me unless she turned entirely my way. I went and stood right infront of her seat.The compartment was crowded enuf and no one cud suspect me.All that is left was her to turn back and there I was standing infront of her waiting for her reaction.(Position1)

The fat girl saw everything that I was doing and she came and stood right inbetween me and the girl. She was kind of teasing her. After a few seconds of butterflies in the compartment.., she finally moved aside and we looked at each other. I never had any idea that anybody in this world wud be that excited for just having seen me.Even today if I ever remember that girl, that very look on her face when she saw me.. that very smile.. that innocent excitement is all I remember.

After that look, she gave me so many different kinds of looks that even I found kind of confusing. She was happy, desperate, confused, surprised all at the same time. Just like I was.

But it was getting late now and I could possibly do nothing else because of the super big family she had. So I started to walk back to my seat. I kept looking back for as far as I can see and no prizes for guessing.. she kept looking at me too.

Visit No3:

For most part of the remaining journey I kept picturing how everything happened just out of coincidence and yet seemed like it was prewritten. I was sure that it needed a better finishing than what just happened.

So after a long gap.. When there is just half an hour journey remaining for the train to reach Chirala(Her stop) I decided to give it a shot and make the minutes count. I probably wont be seeing her once again and this will be my own version of a Ruskin Bond story if only I could give it a better ending. Clearly now I wasn’t gonna stop.I told my mom I met an old school friend in the next compartment(that wud give me extra time) and within minutes I found myself rushing back to the next compartment for one last time.

By the time I reached their compartment most of their family members got up from their seats and stood near the entrance with all their bags. I somehow managed to pass through the crowd and stood right infront of her. We were almost near the entrance of the train only a feet or so away from each other standing there right in the middle of the crowd looking at each other. We were only exchanging smiles and even that was hard because we were literally surrounded by all her relatives.(Position3)

“Can you move aside.We need to get down in the next station..” one of the relatives asked me.

“I’m gonna get down here too..” I said. Not ready to give up my position there.

It was time once again for the led display board.We kept looking at it once again as the distance melted and so did the time we had left.But this time the machine cheated us.It was showing 18kms left but we almost reached Chirala station as the train became slower. We both were disappointed and clearly she was trying to tell me her name but was hesitant coz of the relatives factor.

As the train entered the Chirala station I asked her name once again but her mom called for her and took the baggage they were carrying on to the platform. I got down too and went near her and asked her name with out her mom seeing. It was getting desperate and confusing. She said something but I couldn’t make sense out of it.

Then it struck to me how wonderful it would be if I did not know her name at all.Before my mind could analyze this I came back and got onto the train and stood near the entrance while they were counting their luggage.She told her name now but I was a little too far to hear her in that crowd.But I wasn’t worried anymore. I kept smiling at her and said bye.She smiled back at me and gestured that she would call me.I did not even think about that.

Just before the train could start it started to rain(Seriously… I am not making this up)

They started to walk away as the train started.She turned back and waved a good bye to me pretending as if she was waving to someone in the train.I waved back at her with a smile.The Pinakini express left the platform with me standing near the door.. with the girl waving at me..and with a timely rain as well…

Aaahhh how perfect was that… something just happened in my life that is gonna make a wonderful story.Everything that happened right from when I first saw her with the mask and when I finally waved her good bye was so perfect and wonderful.I dont even know what her name is either but I did not wish for a better ending than this.

The Aftermath:

Just a couple of days after my return from chennai,I got a call from an unknown number.I hesitantly answered and a voice from the other end said,

“Hi…Is it Sudhams??” I knew who it was and said, “Ya..Who is this??” She said “Guess who??”

I immediately disconnected the call and never answered any other call from that number.

I got several calls from her even after a couple of months. I never answered any of them coz I just did not think it was right to mislead such an innocent and gentle girl.

If she takes things seriously I’d be in trouble and eventually she would be upset.

One more thing is that it would ruin this perfect story that not many would ever be a part of..coz once if we keep in touch things get spoiled.I knew she would curse me and eventually forget everything or atleast she will also remember it as a wonderful story that both of us are a part of.No matter what, I have no regrets wat so ever and it was indeed my own version of a Ruskin Bond story.

P.s…The most important reason for not answering her calls was that I already had a girlfriend back then!!!

Not many things in life are perfect. I’m well aware of this fact. But when it comes to this particular incident, I wouldn’t ask for more. I left it where it ended because it was all so perfect and I had no intension of spoiling what was perfect.

So here goes…..

“As we came nearer to our destination, we both kept looking at the display machine every few seconds. I wasn’t worried that I’m gonna miss her. I was sad coz all that happened was going to end.”

It was 6 ‘O’ clock in the morning when the train arrived at the station. I was waiting with my mother at the station. We were on our way to Chennai. The Pinakini express hardly ever came late. As we did not have reservation, we got into some compartment hoping that the TC wud give us some seats. It wasn’t long before we found out that it was difficult to keep up with the crowd. I some how managed to find a seat for my mom and I preferred standing.

After sometime I was asked by the TC to wait at the end of the compartment and that he’d come to me after checking the tickets of the other passengers. I stood there looking out at the October sky…

The train stopped at a station called Chirala where a family entered through the door I was standing near to. There were about 8-9 of them. In all that crowd, what caught my eye was pretty clearly a young girl, probably a year or two younger than me. She was wearing a mask(There was a swine flu threat back then) and had glasses.

Our eyes met as she walked past me and I could see through the glasses that she had a pair of sharp eyes. I was unable to picture her face beneath the mask.But I really wanted to.

After settling issues with the TC I came back and stood in position2. I noticed the girl was sitting facing me a few seats behind my moms. She was still having the mask on but noticed me peeping at her. Our eyes met each time I tried to look at her. That felt kind of awkward especially when my mom was right there having no idea what I was upto. So I stopped looking at her and started listening to some music, looking out the door as the train went by.

When I saw her the next time, she did not have the mask on. She had a pretty clean face that matched with the gentle and sharp pair of eyes that she had. She had this wonderfully innocent look that kind of caught me. It was not long before she understood that I was staring at her but to my surprise she kept looking right back at me. We both were pretty sure what was happening and so began my journey via paradise.

Within minutes, what actually began as a simple look for a couple of seconds turned into a stare contest. Each time I tried to look at her and turn away I failed miserably. My eyes froze as soon as our eyes met and I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was I who eventually won every contest coz she was the one who finally had to turn away.

Time was flying by and we were almost half way through our journey. I wasn’t even having any trouble standing all the time. It was then things started to get interesting. The guy sitting near her was a junior from my school and he recognized me. He said that they were getting down in the next station and offered us their seats. I was more than happy to accept. There was nothing I cud’ve asked for except ofcourse sitiing beside her. I gave the window seat to my mom and I sat to the edge( in position3 ) having no idea that the rest of the journey is gonna be a memory that I’d remember for the rest of my life.

So now the stage is set for me to make the most out of the rest of the journey. She was sitting beside her relative (a short, fat girl who’s been following everything from the beginning.) she knew I was watching her and she started giving long and anticipating looks this time. When I smiled at her for the first time, it was like I hit the panic button. She looked away pretending as if nothing happned. I looked away and thought for a second if I was going too far.

But when I saw her the next time she was already looking at me this time with a smile that brought butterflies all over the place. I couldn’t stop but give her back a smile. This was the first time we both smiled at each other. I wasn’t gonna stop it right there. We kept smiling at each other and even shared a few laughs when ever the fat girl is made fun of by their relatives.

I tried to talk to her but it was impossible coz her entire family was sitting in the back seats and few of them stood near the door.Besides my mom was sleeping beside me.

All of a sudden she stood up to bring her bag down from the top. I thought that, that was it and they’re stop has come.But to my surprise that did not get down. I was relieved. She noticed the changes in my expressions and looked at me rising her eyebrows as if to say what happened??

I shook my said and enquired as to where they’re headed. She said Chennai in a low whisper but I was able to make sense out of it. She smiled back at me as if she understood that it made me happy and then asked me where I was going to.. I gave her a wicked smile and winked at her and she started blushing with a huge smile.( more butter flies) My heart was pounding. Some voice inside me was sreaming  “Dude you have any idea what you are doing???” but no I didn’t and neither am I going to stop.

As we crossed the last station before Chennai things were beginning to get a little serious. I knew that it would take just over an hour for us to reach Chennai. The led display board kept showing the next station and the distance remaining. I wanted to atleast know the name of the girl that was making my journey all so memorable. I knew that this should happen in the train itself coz there is no way we can talk once we are in Chennai. I could see the same feelings in her face too. It was getting a little suffocating now not being able to talk to her.

It was then she did something that gave me the thunder bolts (that surya says in the movie). She took out a small notepad and a pen. She looked at me and asked what I wanted her to write. It was impossible to believe what was happening.

Am I going too far?? is this supposed to happen?? What if my mom sees this?? What if the relatives catch me taking the slip??

“Pass it to me!!” I said not sure why!!

She smiled and quietly passed me the book without anybody watching. My mom was fast asleep and I did not want to take long. I wrote down my name and no. and passed it back.

OH FUCK!!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE???!!!!!!!

She quickly kept it inside her bag and they both started hugging each other and celebrating as if we both just got married.

I couldn’t help but laugh. She asked me if I was a Christian!! I knew that she was one. That kind of took me back

“Is this getting serious??”

I gave her a huge smile nodding my head as if yes 😉

She smiled back with a blush.It was now time for the display machine. We were both looking at the display machine that was melting the distance remaining.

“As we came nearer to our destination, we both kept looking at the display machine every few seconds. I wasn’t worried that I’m gonna miss her. I was sad coz all that happened was going to end.”

The train almost reached Chennai central and the crowd started to stand up and to get their luggage ready. I took my backpack and stood right infront her smiling at her. She was a little afraid but smiled back.

“We’re going back on Tuesday aren’t we??” she asked her relative and then looked at me. She was just telling me when they were leaving. Too bad we were to leave on Monday itself.but that was not important now. I need to know the name of that girl before I go. As we bagan walking out the compartment I asked her what her name was.

She said something that I couldn’t make sense of. I asked her again but this time her mom called out to her she went a few feet away whispering again but still I couldn’t make any sense out of it.

They got down onto the platform and we followed them in the crowd. They still kept arranging and checking their luggage as me and my mom started to walk away. We turned back and looked at each other for as long as it was visible and later I just walked away with a memory of a beautiful journey made possible by a girl whose name I did not know.

So this is the little story that I was a part of. I wouldn’t call it a love story because there was no love in it. But it surely had a lot of joy, wonder and celebration…everything that I wish to see in a love story. A story about a girl and my journey in the Pinakini xpress: from Vijayawada to Chennai via Paradise.

 

This is the sequel to my previous post The Great Robbery. I’ve written it in three parts depending upon the location of the scenes.Certain conversations in this piece of writing actually happened in Telugu but have been translated to English for the readers convenience…Sudhams

For those of you with doubts, all the incidents in this post are absolutely true and are not acts of fiction.

Part-1 : The Ice-cream shop

It was a Sunday afternoon a couple of days after the successful first attempt and once again I was preparing myself for yet another robbery. The target was the same ice cream shop. All I needed to do was to take a bottle and run. Nothing could possibly go wrong. So there I stood waiting for the right time. One of my friends was hesitant to come near the shop so I couldn’t make a move as things are not perfect. So I waited there for yet another 5 mins for things to be in order just like last time. Just when I was about go back to my friend, I felt a hand on my shoulder

“What are you doing here?” the man asked. He was a huge man might be above 30 with the face of a drunkard.

“Nothing, waiting for my friends. We’ve planned to watch a movie here.” I told him trying to be as casual as possible.

“Oh! Ok then…,” he said and went inside.

Now that was a close call. I figured he was the owner of the shop as he went and sat at the counter. I’m pretty sure that anyone would now think of calling off the whole plan and go home for lunch. But I was nowhere close to giving up. I started to argue with my friend who was not properly cooperating and then came back to the target location. Once again I started to act natural and once again the owner came out. But this time he took me inside and made me sit on a bench.

“what are you doing outside?” he asked again trying to be as calm as possible.

“I told you uncle I’m waiting for my friends to come. We’re going to the movie..” I replied in protest and then before I could complete my sentence he slapped me hard and I completely lost my senses. He somehow came to know that I was the one who stole his bottles last time. I began to cry saying I have no idea what he was talking about.

So now my friend walked in with a couple of the workers in the shop.

“I think the rest of them just ran away.” Said one of those who caught my friend. Clearly they saw us both standing there for almost 15mins doing nothing. He was shivering and was in complete fear. He was crying even before the man started to talk with him. They brought him and made him sit on a table beside mine. I understood that there’s no point in bluffing to that man and moreover my 11-year-old mind was finding it hard to take all the pressure so within mins we both confessed but I somehow managed to give the wrong information about my parents and where I live. I knew what would happen if my dad comes to know of this.

There was this other guy trying to be nice to us to get all the answers. We were completely fooled by him and with the slip of the tongue we gave out our school name and two more names of my friends who were supposed to execute the escape plan. As soon as he got the names, he sent a kid from his shop to my school with a paper on which our names are written. It became clear to me that I’m screwd big time!!!

After an hour of scolding and cursing the owner finally got bored with our continuous crying and pleading for excuse. He then warned us not to do these things again and left us.

Running notes:

>>Less crowd doesn’t mean you can escape easily.It means you’ll be spotted easily.

>>Never spend too much time at the scene of crime.

>>Don’t try to steal at the same shop within a span of two days.

>>Don’t ever give out the name of your school if you get caught.

Part-2 : School

It’s common for kids that age to hate Monday mornings. But this was a different case. Time seemed to be killing me. As the prayer was over and we sat in the class room, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the principal would call us. A tiny bit of hope told me that the principal had always liked me and so he would believe what I say. We then decided to say that the shop owner got the wrong kids and they let us go after some time. But things were definitely not that easy.

Within few minutes one of the attenders came and asked for us. No one except us knew what the matter was. We pretended as if we had no idea and walked to the principals room. I was trying to be as cool as possible. Then we were called inside.

“Sir, there was a mistake. They thought we were somebody else.” I said trying to hide my terror with a faint smile. But who am I fooling anyway. The principal stood up from his chair and slapped me in the face.

“Who do you think you are talking to?Who are you cheating?”

So there was no way to cover things up.I’m totally screwed. He then implemented a clever way to get information from all of us. He asked all of us to wait outside and called each of us separately to ask about the incident. I later read somewhere that this is called cross-examination. We had no other option but to tell him the truth. So within an hour we were standing before him with our heads down. Ofcourse this is after all the spanking with the cane that he had.

We were severely warned. “If at all there is a next time,I’m gonna send you to the police station.” With this the principal asked us to leave the room. We did not talk with each other the whole day. The only thing that was in my mind was the question the principal asked me while I was alone with him..

“Why didn’t you just go and buy the cool drinks?”

Why didn’t I do that. I always had enough money even when I was in school. If not, my parents would always give me if I asked. With all these thoughts in mind I came home after the school to get ready for the study hours.

“Your principal called just now. He was a little serious and said that he wants to talk with dad.” My brother told me. He too was getting ready for his study hours. He studied in a different school.

“Oh did he? I don’t know why. May be something about the common examination.” I said trying to hide the scared out of shit face.

“Oh but he sounded a little serious. He wanted dad to call him as soon as he’s back from the office.” My brother said having no idea that each of his words was planting a spear in my throat.

“Hmm guess we’ll have to wait and see what it is about.” I said finally to stop further torture and rushed back to school to talk to the principal.

I directly went and knocked his door.

“Come on in Sudhams,” he said with a much more calm voice. He always liked me and it was clear that he was disappointed at what I did. “what is it?” he enquired as if nothing happened in the morning.

“Sir I don’t know what came over me that time. But I’m very sorry for what I’ve done and I promise I will never ever do such a thing again. Please excuse me for this time and don’t tell my dad about this.” I made my point clear but this time I was true from the depths of my heart. He understood that too.

“What you’ve done is really a bad thing Sudhams and that is the reason I’ve punished you in the morning.” He said quietly

“I know that I deserved everything that I got sir. I’m promising that it will never happen again and I will study hard and get above 500 marks in the common exams.” I said in a much more confident tone.

After that he trusted me and said he wont say a word to my dad. He said about how much he liked me since I was a child and how much this incident disappointed him. I too apologized several times before he asked me to go ahead and study well for the common exams that are to be held within a months time.

Running notes:

>>Never under-estimate the intelligence of your Principal.

>>Having a good impression doesn’t mean the principal is gonna believe the crap that you say.

>>Why didn’t I just buy the cool drinks????

Part-3 : Home

I was at peace while going home after the study hours. Glad that I’ve talked to the principal about not telling my dad. But sure thought I’ve learned my lesson. After going home I was casual when dad asked me about why the principal wanted to talk to him. I was pretty sure he’s gonna talk about something else.

So then my father called him and I was sitting in the next room quietly listening to the conversation on the phone. I knew that if anything goes wrong my dad is gonna be furious. As soon as they began their conversation my dad became silent. There were an occational aahh, oohh, who?? Where?? and a few hmmms as well!!

I did not understand at the beginning but later it was clear that I got booked yet again. My Principal didnot keep his word. That little time I had between my father coming to know what happened and the second he kept the receiver down is probably the most tensed I’ve ever been. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel my entire body shaking. After talking to him my dad finally said that he would talk to me and then disconnected the call.

He called for me and I silently went and stood before him. He started with a simple and direct question.

“Did you steal the cool drink bottles?” my mother was shocked. I had nothing to say and just looked at him.

Whatever happened in the next 15 mins was too violent to post here. My father made use of both his hands and also took the help of a stick. It was the first and the last time my father ever hit me. After the storm settled I was left crying on the floor with a swollen heel. My father did not say a word after that. My brother usually came very late after his study hours so he never knew what happened.

Running notes:

>>Don’t ask your principal sir for favours

The After math: things that happened later

>>My principal called me personally and told me that he did not want me to be afraid of anything and that telling my dad the truth will eventually do good for me.He also spoke about a line from our daily prayer that says “lead us not into temptation”

>> I went on to score 544 marks in the exams being one among the top 5 from the school.

>>My father did not talk to me for a couple of weeks but later realized how much I changed and things went back to normal. I still remember how happy he felt on my results day.

As for me personally, that particular incident that too in a very early stage of my life helped me learn a lot of things. I was never ashamed of what happened because the best lessons in life are taught by experience. Moreover I also have a wonderful story to tell my kids and their kids too!!!

We all have a million memories that are hidden inside our minds. Most of them probably forgotten. This is one of my such memories that I just couldn’t risk forgetting… Sudhams

It was a lazy sunny afternoon in the march of 2002.When everyone else were busy doing their own job I was standing there waiting for the right time to strike the blow and commit the biggest crime in my 11 year old life.I was there to steal the coke bottles that the ice cream shop keeps outside for display and I was not gonna leave with out them.

Earlier the same day I was the one who provoked 4 of my friends to bunk the school in the afternoon session.We came to my house(my mom and dad would be out at work and my brother in school)and started to watch tv eating things from the refridgerator.After an hour or so I got bored and thought of going out.So we set out into the town for some action.It was then it struck to me to commit the perfect crime ever commited.It was this ice cream shop that send drinks to our school for all the functions.They had this huge stock of cool drink bottles piled up outside the shop.I was sure it wont be very difficult for the right hands to pick up a couple af bottles and run away.There should just be a good escape plan.As I was well aware of all the streets in that locality it wasn’t that difficult to come up with the escape plan.

All I wanted was someone who is quick enough and sharp enough to handle the job.Well that was an obvious choice(ME) and just when I was getting ready, a friend of mine told that he too would join me.So after some minor changes in the plan,we both set out for execution of my master plan.The drinks were kept outside and the guy in the counter will be facing the other way.If we could just grab a bottle each and then run to the near by street,3 of my friends would be waiting there and we can leave on 3 bicycles with the bottles.

So as I stood there waiting for the people near the counter to leave,things were getting really tensed.Just as they left I signaled the guys with the bicycles to get ready and made the move.Each of us took a bottle and started to run for it.I Realised that it was easy and so came back and took an extra bottle and started to run without even looking back.We made it to the street without catching anyone’s attention and made a comfortable escape.Now the plan was perfectly executed with a bonus of an extra bottle.We then went to my house again and kept the bottles in the freezer to drink later.

A JOB WELL DONE!!!!!!!

There is a sequel to this robbery that went horribly wrong and will be coming on this blog very soon!!!