I Love you teacher!

“I came to my room after study hours and a friend of mine (who happened to join there along with me) came running to me and told me something that I wish was not true. At that moment I thought a lie would’ve been better because the truth is often too much to handle.”

The day we got these photos, she told me that I had a better smile than this 🙂

*****

I don’t remember the first time I saw her but Lakshmi teacher was my class teacher when I was in my third standard. She was new to my school and used to teach social studies. A very pretty woman with a welcoming smile and a wonderful person to have as a class-teacher. As for me, I was always an active student. Even if I wasn’t the class topper I was always in the top five and she liked me, atleast that’s what I thought.

Her house was just a few blocks away from mine. She lived with her mother and son, Jaydeep, who was in kindergarten. At that time my uncle used to teach social studies for higher classes. He introduced me to her as his nephew and so I had her special attention, which I enjoyed. I even went to her house many times to play and to fly kites. I even remember being at her house for Jaydeep’s birthday party. However, I never knew who her husband was or what he did. It’s wasn’t an important thing for an 8 year old.

I have a few faint memories of her class also. She once gave us a drawing assignment. My work was to draw pictures of household tools (hammer, screwdriver etc.) After we submitted our assignments, she gave us football shaped erasers. I only wish I had kept the eraser with me now. For Independence day, all that the class could afford to bring for her, with the funds we collected, was a 300ml thumsup. We didn’t even have an opener. For several minutes she tried to open the bottle herself and when it finally did open, without having it herself, she made the entire class have a sip each. Such a sweet person she was. Call it fate or luck, our school decided to have our class pictures taken for the first time, that very year. The day we got those photos, she told me that I had a better smile than the one in the picture.

Sadly, after that academic year, she left our school. Frankly, I wasn’t really heart broken or anything. You always get new teachers that become close to you. After few years when my brother changed schools, he came home the first day and told me that Lakshmi teacher was working in his new school. Okay. 

                                                                                *****

The best surprises are those that come when you least expect them. Lakshmi teacher came back to my school when I was in 8^th class, not to teach social students to 3rd class students but to teach physics to 8th, 9th & 10th class students. Good news. There were plenty of new faces in the class when she came in for the first time and yes a few old ones too. She seemed glad to see us all grown up and I was really happy too. But things were not going to be like the good old days. I was the same old active student but all I remember from her classes were the punishments she gave me.

>>Sending me out of the class for beating up a kid.

>>Making me kneel down outside when I make fun of that kid infront of the whole class.

>>Sending me to the principal’s office.

>>Scolding me for not being punctual.

>>Making remarks about how I wasn’t the sweet kid she once knew.

But I was always the same. I was always her student, who always loved her. Even if she was furious at me most of the times, I was never angry at her. I always admired her.

This is her writing & signature (my notes)

It was not always the same either. She was among the first few who appreciated me when I did well. When I won prizes in dance competitions, when I gave a good speech on 15^th august or when I got good marks, she always had wonderful things to say.

It was particularly in my 10^th clas, I remember her spending most of her time with us because of the public examinations. She had a very practical approach and always advised us to prepare all the previous year exam papers. That, I did really well and after a really poor performance in the first pre-final (32/50 I think) I studied all the previous papers and in the second prefinal I got 49/50 in physics. I was doing well in biology as well and so was able to score more in science than in mathematics, something that never happened before.

One particular incident that I remember is on the day before our final exam. She came to the study hours in the evening to give some last minute tips and important points to remember. As she was talking to the entire class, I was writing some important bits, diagrams, formulae etc. on the black board behind her. She didn’t really mind because I was always like that and as I was doing well in the recent exams she had faith in me(atleast I thought so). So when she was done, she looked at the board that I filled with all the important stuff (that I predicted would come in the exam) and smiled. She left after sometime wishing us all the best.

I was determined to score a hundred in science so I wrote the paper really well the next day and she was the first person I told that to after my exam was over. I even mentioned to her that a lot actually came in the question paper out of all those points that I wrote on the board. She congratulated me for that.

That is the last memory I have of her. I did not meet her again and even if I did I do not have any memory of it. Sigh.

                                                                                *****

After my exams I never really bothered talking to my old school teachers. I joined Intermediate in Vijaywada (Sri Chaitanya Hostel)

One day I came to my room after the study hours and a friend of mine (who happened to join there along with me) came running to me and told me something that I wish was not true. At that moment I thought a lie would’ve been better because the truth is often too much to handle.

He told me that Lakshmi teacher died.

“What!!!???”

“Yes she commited suicide…”

My God, it was too much for me to take all at once. I could not believe it. I understood why my dad was a little hesitant talking to me on the phone earlier that evening. He was hiding this from me. But I knew it now. I couldn’t believe it. Denial wasn’t gonna help either.A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, flashes from my 3rd class days. I just sat on an old cot in the balcony of my hostel and wondered what would’ve happened. There were several rumours in school about her family problems, her husband and many other things but whatever the reason was, she found it difficult to handle and decided to end her life leaving behind her only kid with her mom. I wanted to talk with my friends from school but I was in my hostel and it was 11 ‘O’ clock in the night. I wondered why I was not crying. Wasn’t she special to me? I don’t know what I did later that night, except sleep and go back to classes the next day. That was it, there was nothing else to do even after coming home for vacations. I did meet a few of my friends who told me that she commited suicide by drinking something and probably because of family problems.

The other day I was roaming on the roads when I happened to pass by her old house, the same house where I went to Jaydeep’s birthday party all those years ago. I recollected the time when we gave her the thumsup in 3rd class. The thing is, I never really saw her as a real person with real problems. I mean, I never imagined her with her family or anything. She was just Lakshmi teacher to me. Her voice and her smile. There were several wonderful teachers in my life. Few even more close to me than Lakshmi teacher. But the reason why I cannot forget her is because of the fact that she is not alive anymore and there is no way for me to meet her and tell her in person, how much I respect her and how much I Love Her.

P.s. I scored 96 in Science in my tenth class (One mark more than what I got in Maths). As they don’t give marks separately, I decided to believe that I scored a 50 in physics and lost the 4 marks in biology.