The Holden in ME!!

A teacher was fired for assigning that book for the class study. It was banned in many countries. It still is considered as a bad impact on the adolescent minds that might read it.  To put it straight, it is probably the most controversial book in recent history. But I had no idea about it until I was watching a Southpark episode that makes fun of the book by saying how over rated it is and how meaningless the controversies are. But what really caught my attention was what I found out when I was wiki-ing about it.

A guy named Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon (Lennon doesn’t need an introduction but for those who have no idea, he is one of the founding members of THE BEATLES) by shooting him with a gun. But what was shocking here was that the killer did not run away from the scene but simply sat on the pavement reading THE CATCHER IN THE RYE. Yes, that was the book I was referring to. The Catcher in the Rye, written by J.D.Salinger. It was first published in 1951 and it sold over 65 million copies around the globe.

Later during the trial, Mark made it clear that he imagined himself as Holden Caulfield, the protagonist of the book. He wrote “This is my statement” on the book that he was reading when he shot Lennon and signed it as Holden Caulfield.

With an introduction like this, there was no way I could resist myself from reading it. After few weeks of searching, I finally got my hands on the book when I was undergoing industrial training in Hyderabad. I remember buying it for a mere 80/- on the footpath. Anyway, as I began reading the first few pages, I found the book very less interesting and slow paced. I thought it might have connected to the people few decades ago. But as I kept reading through the pages, I understood that it was not just another novel. Holden Caulfield came alive and took me through his adolescence making sure he was showing me that I was like him in many ways. He made me forget that he was just an imaginary character created by a writer.

The first person narration is so gripping that I found myself being restless when I had to stop for dinner or when I had to take a leak. For more of an introvert like me, reading through the lines that Holden spoke was something that I was able to connect easily. Holden doesn’t explain what was happening to him or the incidents that he was facing. He speaks what he has in his mind. That is what I simply couldn’t resist or to say in Holden’s words, “It killed me”. I will not go into details of the books content as there will be nothing much to talk about. It is the narration that has made the book so popular regardless of the controversies and it is that narration that made Holden the icon for teenage rebellion.

Before reading the book, when ever I thought of what I wanted to become, I always pictured myself standing on the top of my apartment building (on the overhead tank) on a rainy day, just after the rain stopped. Wearing shorts with my shirt buttons open. As I spread my hands, the cool breeze that flew (after the rain stopped) would gently touch me flapping my shirt as it passed by. That was what I wanted to become. That is what I want to become. Even if I never said these exact same lines to anybody, that image was what I had in my mind.

In the book, when asked by his sister about what he wanted to become in future, Holden simply says the following lines:

“I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me.  And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff.  What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That’s all I do all day.  I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.  I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.” 

I just couldn’t believe my eyes when I read those lines. As I was growing up, when ever I think of what I wanted to become, there will always be flashes of imagination that came into my mind. When I wanted to study in an IIT, what came into my mind was me, going to classes on a cycle or sitting in the class. When I knew I was going to join in Infosys, I pictured myself sitting infront of a computer doing some codes or whatever.

The point I’m making here is that no matter what our plans for the future are, we all have these fantasies (crazy or practical) of how we might be once we reach there. However there will be very few instances that we actually do what we imagine, even if we become what we wanted to become. There will be several other things that we will be doing. Nevertheless, we cannot possibly avoid the fantasies and come to think of it, there is no need to avoid them either.

What Holden proved to me was that there was a part of him beneath what I am as a person. He was probably there is every person that enjoyed reading the book. After reading the book I understood how it motivated a person to kill another human being. The narration in the book had so much impact on me that I began to embrace and accept the demons, confusions, frustrations that I had as a person. I never felt insecure however crazy my mind often drove me. I began to accept myself better. For the weak minded (if I can say that about Mark David Chapman) it simply drove away his own identity and took control over him entirely. That might be the reason why he imagined himself to be Holden. It still shocks that Mark actually stood up and read a paragraph from the book and silently sat down in the court room after his final verdict was given by the judge.

To me Holden just went through confusion, frustration, hatred, helplessness, and several other feelings that my vocabulary won’t permit me to explain. These are the same feelings that I went through or in that case anybody would probably go through during his adolescence. Even if the incidents may differ, the basic human emotions are same and that is what connected me to Holden Caulfield and this is what that brought out the Holden in ME.

Some memorable lines by Holden:

“I don’t even know what I was running for – I guess I just felt like it.”

“I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life.  It’s awful.  If I’m on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I’m going, I’m liable to say I’m going to the opera.  It’s terrible.”

“When I really worry about something, I don’t just fool around.  I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something.  Only, I don’t go.  I’m too worried to go.  I don’t want to interrupt my worrying to go.”

“All morons hate it when you call them a moron.”

“It’s really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes.”

“That’s the thing about girls.  Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.  Girls, Jesus Christ!! Tthey can drive you crazy.  They really can.”

I really cannot stop when I begin to narrate his words. I would like to suggest you to read through the lines and experience Holden by yourselves.