Suicide Note: Ready-To-Use!!

Those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live

– Adolf Hitler, who ironically committed suicide

Suicide might be a crime and is against law but each day we read about many suicides. Most of the people who die, feel they’re deprived of their basic needs like abnormal wealth and respect from all sections of the society of the despite being assholes. I wonder if any other animal on the planet commit suicide!! Hmm.. Have to Google it. However, I respect their right to decide that their life is not worth living and so as a favor on my behalf, I offer them this ready-to-use suicide note. What might actually take a couple of hours will now take only a few minutes. what’s better is that, if filled in correctly, the note will help prevent the death from becoming political or exploited for any other reasons. I really hope people find this useful.

– Sudhams,  who is more likely to be the cause for somebody else committing suicide

 DOES YOUR LIFE SUCK? WHY WAIT? USE OUR “READY-TO-USE SUICIDE NOTE” AND DIE IN PEACE!!

<OM> or <Praise the Lord> or <Insha Allah> or <Saaaachinnnn Sachin>

<Insert Date>

<Insert Place>

FUCK YOU WORLD,

Sorry <Mom & Dad> or <Love Interest> for using abusive language but now that this is my last means of communication with the world in this life, I think I can take the liberty to make a little cursing. I say ‘this’ life because I’m having my hopes high on the next life after my reincarnation. Karma has it that if one suffers significantly in a life time; he/she would have plenty of things to cheer about in the next life. Considering how much this life sucked, I should become <Iron-Man (Money, Technology and Women)> or <Batman (If you are a DC Universe guy)> or <any other choice> in my next life. That is why I decided to end my life by <Insert how you want to kill yourself. Refer notes below>

What I’ve gone through <Insert your reasons in one or two sentences>  might not seem like a big deal to many but the reason why I have chosen to end it all is because there is no hope left. All this time, there were several people who made me feel better about myself but not anymore. Even Nitin’s fortunes seem to have shifted with his hit movie “Ishq”. Not just that… the hockey team got media coverage for a week, Ravindra Jadeja became the costliest player of the IPL, the BJP managed to pull off a victory in the AP by-elections and that Bangladesh almost won the Asia cup. Even the Ritesh Deshmukh dude managed to tie the knot with Genelia…that lucky bastard!! Every big loser in the world seems to have their luck finally favoring them except me. At this rate, even Naga Chaitanya and Vishnu might win awards for best acting and Poonam Pandey might enter Simi Garewal’s most wanted list. I don’t want to be alive to see that. I don’t want to be the only loser alive in this planet so I decided to end it when there are a few losers left. Who knows? Harbhajan might get a chance back in the team. I can’t live to see that.

One might wonder why I decided to commit suicide by <Insert your Choice. Refer the notes below> but I have done my research. That is the very reason why I decided to write an elaborate suicide note.

>> I didn’t set myself on fire because the Telangana activists would call me a martyr who died for the cause of the state. Why would I give a fuck about that when my own life is as upsetting as KCR’s nose or Sharad Pawar’s cheek?

>> I didn’t climb a tower or tall buildings because I wasn’t gonna fake a suicide attempt just to be on TV.

>> I wanted to dress up as a fisherman to go fishing in the Indian Ocean so that some Italian ship would  kill me but I didn’t because that might cause tensions between Sonia Gandhi and Dr MMS. (You know… coz she is Italian)

>> I didn’t drink pesticide or hang myelf to a tree because I don’t want the opposition parties to start blasting the poor government by adding me to the list of the dead farmers.

>> I didn’t blow myself up with a bomb because I don’t want to be called a Pakistani terrorist and if by any chance I was caught alive, they’ll keep me jail forever like that Kasab.

>> Going to Syria, Afghanistan or Iraq for a simple visit would’ve done the trick but for obvious reasons I couldn’t afford the trip.

>> I thought of watching a few Guna Shekar’s films but then I would die of a heart attack and the YSR Congress Party people would tell that I died unable to bear the demise of their leader a few years back. That Jagan Mohan Reddy might even show up at my parents’ house to console them. I would never let that happen.

That is why I decided to <Insert your Choice> I’m sure you would be sad now but let me assure you that once I become <Ironman> or <Batman> or <Ranbir Kapoor> or <Virat Kohli> I would send you a greeting card for every <Christmas> or <Ramzan> or <Dussera> or <September 11^th> or <Whatever> [If I happen to remember you in my next life] Please note once again that me ending my life has nothing to do with anything political. I don’t give a dung beetle’s ass about the world’s problems coz I have bigger problems of my own <Insert a few problems> Also, now that I decided to die, let me make a few confessions before I kill myself.

>> <Insert name> is so hot that I always wanted to do it with her

>> <Insert name>, I’m friends with you just because there are so many pretty girls in your Facebook friends list

>> <Insert name> is an class A moron and that guy could eat my poo

>> <Insert name> is always special

>> <Insert name> is an over-rated bastard

>> <Insert name of the couple> are two sluts who are still in it just for the money

>> <Insert Ravindra Jadeja’s name> doesn’t deserve to be in the team

>> I will always love you <Insert names>

Peace Out,

<Insert name>

<Insert Facebook Profile link>

<Insert twitter handle>

XOXOXO

P.S… If at all I see that Jagan Mohan Reddy holding my dad’s/mom’s face in his creepy little arms in an effort to console them, I’m gonna fly all the way to kill him with one of my kick-ass gadgets/weaponry after I become Iron-Man or Batman.

[From the author: Incase you are a girl, replace Iron-Man with <Wonder Woman> or <Saina Nehwal> or <Prathibha Patil> or <Mamata Benarjee> or <Sunny Leone> depending on your requirement]

Coming Soon: Ready-to-use Leave Letters, Love Letters, Resignation from an IT company letters 😛 , Letters that you write when you elope with a girl/boy from your marriage and many more.